Busy and engaging day

Today was one of those very busy days.  One of those days when everything you need to get done get's done and it feels like an hour's past when in fact it's been nine.  Today was one of those days and I really enjoyed it.  I worked on a infographic for my marketing course, completed a bunch of chapters in one of of managment courses, got in some Spanish practice, wrote this blog and even managed to record eveything I ate.  It's got me to thinkning about my I Ho Chuan requirements and where I've wasted a lot of time this past year.  

This year was a struggle to say the least and it was 100% my own doing.  Nothing got in the way of my training and commitments other than myself.  I wrote about it in my previous blog and how I didn't priortize my Kung Fu like I should have.  I got on that slippery slope and I never really got off.  Sure I slowed down the slide a few times but I never really stopped and gave my self a course corretion.  I should have pulled out my I Ho Chuan promises and reviewed them becuase when I looked at them today I realized that I had worked on almost all of them.  The problem I found was I didn't record any of the progress on my personal requirements so I felt like I wasn't progressing and down the slippery slide I went.  All I found along that slide was dissengagment and resentment.  

I'm working on this years goals and to be honest a few of them are going to be carry overs from my 2021 year.  They're more tangible to my life than they actually were in 2021.  What I've realized this past year is I need to do a better job setting goals both big and small.  I'm the most motivated when the goals are motivating to me and when the smaller goals line up with the bigger ones.  A HUGE goal of mine is to finish my business degree so that I can position myself for an ex pat role.  The big goal is the move, the smaller goal is earning my degree and the even smaller goal is finishing my second year.  I could and should even break them down into even smaller goals of credits by mid year 2022 and courses completed.  This is something I haven't done a good job with as I've floated along the "ego cloud" thinking I was smarter and better than I am.  I realize now that this isn't the way forward for me and if I want to get where I want to go I have to put the effort in and the discipine required to get there.  

Days like today are motivating and I'm capturing the essence of it by writing.  Today was a good day.

Mr. Repay  

The power of the streak

I've been learning Spanish for a few reasons.  It's one of my I Ho Chuan goals from years past, secondly I've always been intrugued by the Spanish language and thirdly it's part of my preperation for a move to South America in the future.  I've been using Duo Lingo as the main tool for this of which I really enjoy the platform.  What's really interesting about it is how it tracks and uses streaks to keep you motivated to learn.  If I miss a day obviously the streak is over and I have to start again.  I don't loose the progress I've made but I loose the postivity of the streak.  The app also has a leaderboard of everyone that is learning a new language.  The top ten people with the highest points accumulated over the seven days span get's promoted to a new higher league.  

There are so many similiarities between the aproach that Duo Lingo takes and SRKF.  We have stripes and belts that signify our progression to the next level just like Duo Lingo has with accumulated points and rewards through out the week.  Right now I'm on a 18 day streak and I will made sure that even on Christmas Day I got some language training in so that I didn't lose the streak.  I used to take the same approach with my Kung Fu.  I used to be so rabbid about not missing a class that I would leave Calgary at certain time just to make sure that I made it to Stony in time to get to my class.  I'm looking back at these times and I'm actually jealous of MYSELF if that's even possible?  So I have to ask myself "why"?  Why was I so motivated as a lower cue belt to never miss a class and right now I'm struggling to attend classes regularly?  What's changed in me?  The answer is priorities.  With Duo Lingo I'm making it a priority becuase I have a goal of one day working in country that only speaks Spanish.  I know that If I can't comminucate I can't get afforded that opportunity.  I'm extra motivated by that goal and I can visualize my self in that opportunity that I've desired for a very long time.  

When I think about my Kung Fu back then I was visualizing that Black Belt.  I was seeing myself on the stage at the New Years banquet in front of Sifu Brinker and all of my family and friends giving my speech.  Telling everyone what Kung Fu has done for me and being there with everyone that helped me along the way to realize that moment.  Over the past years that vision has faded, replaced by other things that have taken a higher priority than my Kung Fu.  I'm taking a hard look at this past year and looking at the new year.  I have to be brutally honest with myself, can I visualize myself as a black belt like I did those years ago?  If so then I can't break the Kung Fu streak because it's a high priority in my life.

Mr. Repay

That glass rock.

It's no surprise that over my 10 years of training at SRKF I've hid under my own fair share of glass rocks. Every time I would hide under that rock it was because I was withdrawing from something. Various reasons and excuses went through my mind for the reasons for hiding under that rock. But make no mistake I knew and actively hid when I should have did the opposite.

Recently a colleague of mine was supposed to come out to Alberta and spend this week with me in the market. There were some warning signs that not all was right with him. Well today I finally found out that he wasn't coming and we had a bit of a conversation as to why. The similarities that I saw with his actions yesterday we're all too similar to mine at times. He withdrew and ignored my phone calls and texts because he felt embarrassed. In my opinion there was absolutely no reason to feel embarrassed but yet he felt like he was letting me down and instead of communicating with me he withdrew. This was a light bulb moment for me because I'm done the exact same things I've just never seen it from this perspective before. How can I help? How can I be a friend and mentor to him? How do I share all the different times that I've withdrawn and the effect that it had on me with him?

I'm personally going through another tough time. I've been traveling and working a lot over the past 5 weeks and I've prioritized that over my kung fu. I haven't necessarily fully withdrawn but because I haven't attended class I can feel the pull of that withdrawal. Going through the past few days with my colleague has brought some perspective to my own withdrawal and inspired me to write. I've been embarrassed at times because I haven't been at class and I also feel that I've let down my I Ho Chuan team. I do know that I don't need to feel this way because my team mates are awesome like minded people.  I need them to pick me up when I'm down and many of you have!  I want to be that same person to my colleagues so that I can help him persevere and get stronger through this experience.

Mr. Repay

Poverty and there is no quit.

I'm currently away in central latin America and things have changed so much since I was down here two years ago.  The pandemic has hit the world hard but I think some of the poorest countries of the world have had it hit the hardest.

Poverty is rampant everywhere down here.  The value of the local currency had dropped and inflation is out of control.  Basic necessities that we take for granted such as toothbrushes, soap, razor blades are so expensive that the everyday person has to decide on purchasing them or eating.  I've traveled and visisted some of these countries in the past.  I've witnessed the hardships but this is on a totally different level.

During times like these it's difficult to see people have to live like this.  But they seem to take it in stride and keep moving forward.  I haven't met anyone that's given up and quit.  They seem to keep a smile on thier face and are genuinely happy to have met you and just talk with you.  The hospitality is next level when your invited to visit them in thier homes.  They'll share everything with you eventhough they can't afford to just to have you be in thier home.  This is what I love so much about the poeple that live in this part of the word.  I love learing about thier lives, thier family.  My Spanish is getting better eventhough we may not speak each others languages fluently, their is undestanding and a mutal happiness that our paths crossed.

What I'm taking way from the people that I've met is thier immense sense of perseverance and overall happiness for the simmplier things in life. There is no quit.

Mr. Ian Repay

Showing up

I would think that this should be the easiest thing to do, show up to class.  Lately my attendance hasn't been good.  The majority of these times have been because I've been out of town and traveling with work.  Having the classes online is a big help as long as I get to them.  Right now I'm sitting in the Edmonton airport about to board a flight. I'm out of town all of this week again on business. 

Reading Mr. Bjorquists blog had me thinking about my training the past little while. He was obviously having a very bad day but he showed up none the less.  Because he showed up it made a difference and he was able to keep moving forward. This is where I struggle, showing up when I need to the most. 

Every day, every second is a new opportunity to make changes both positive and negative. See everyone on the virtual mats tomorrow evening.

Mr. Ian Repay

Playing with multiple attackers

I've started to play again.  I'm inspired to train when (at those times I don't want to like this morning) I'm doing things that I really like to do.  Envisioning multiple attackers is something that makes me happy.  I get to play around with alot of techniques that I've learnt over the years.  I get to play with flow and how that flow feels with my body.  Some of the things I've tried don't work not because the techniques aren't sound but my body won't move easily and fluidly with them.  At times flexibility has made me rethink what I've wanted to do.  I'm working on things that work with the current state of my body not the body I had in my twenties lol!.  For the most part the moves are quick, precise and allow me to preserve the maximum amount of energy over the three attackers.  What's the point of trying to pull of some crazy Jackie Chan flying techniques if after the first one or two I'm gassed or I've pulled something which is quite possible in my older age?

I'm also focusing on the flinch.  This is something that's incredibly important and I think most people don't train for.  When we're calm the flinch is easier to handle. It's when the adrenealine has kicked in that the flinch becomes much more pronounced.  I'm playing with adding in a flinch to sort of beat my attackers Vs me reacting to it.  

This morning was alot of fun and here's what I've come up with so far in case your wondering.

Three attackers, one in front of me and one eack to the left and right.  

I'm starting off in a neutral stance with hands up and open.  I'm focused on the front attacker but I'm keeping both left and right attackers in the corne of my eye.  A quick side heel to the right attacker to move him back.  The front attacker comes forward with a hay maker that I duck under while moving slightly to my right while keeping my left hand up over my left ear.  A quick right hand vertical punch into the midsection with an overhead left elbow to the head takes care of this attacker.  

I've aquired the left attacker while looking over my right shoulder and proceed with a spinning back kick to the mid section followed up with a low hooking kick to the head of the slumped over attached, this one's finished.  

Back to the original attacker that has recovered and has a blunt stick like object.  He moves foward with a hay maker swing to my head.  I move forward with a double forearm block followed by a right hand knife hand strike to the neck.  Strip the weapon, move to an arm bar that breaks the elbow and this attacker is finished.  

Let me know what you think.

Mr. Repay

Apprehension but also positivity.

Today I leave for a week in Winnipeg. I haven't been back in four+ years.  That year was the hardest year I've ever lived.  I left my family behind to chase a dream of entrepreneurship and money.  I thought that's what I needed, more money.  Well let me tell you that's not what I needed after all.  

I learnt so much about myself that in someways it was worth it. It showed me that I don't need to chase money. I needed more time with my family.  I needed more time  to enjoy the things that mattered and it wasn't money, wealth etc.  I also learned that I really didn't want to be an entrepreneur.  What I needed to do was take this knowledge and use it to develop myself into the person I am right now. I wouldn't have found the opportunity with Continental Tire if I never left Michelin to go to Winnipeg. 

I'm apprehensive because I can't shake this feeling.  It was so very difficult, leaving my family behind after only being home for a couple's of days every month or so.  The terrible people that I had working for me that threatened my life on a few occasions.  What if I run into my old partner?  How am I going to react?  What am I going to say to them?  We left on good terms but haven't spoken a single word since the day I left.  

I'm probably thinking about this too much but it's kinda of how I'm wired.  

Now for some positive. My wife and I have been consistently walking every single day for the past 3 weeks. Something we decided to do together and it's been amazing. It's amazing not only because of the positive physical benefits, but it's mentally beneficial.  What I'm also liking is the habit that we've developed, the habit of making sure that every day we get out and get our walking in together. There have been days for both of us that we didn't want to get out but we pushed each other because we felt the benefits.  For me the benefit is so much more than physical activity, it's getting out and spending time with my wife that makes me so much happier.  I was in Calgary all last week on business.  We took the time to connect on a video call.  We walked and talked and shared the day with each other.  It was amazing ☺️.

Mr. Repay

Resentment and the power of gratitude.

I've been feeling this emotion for a long time.  Outside of the obvious emotions such as happiness, sadness, fear etc resentment is something I've carried with me for far too long.  I can trace feeling this emotion way back to being a child.  I think it started when in grade school I wasn't picked to be in the grade school class that I perceived to have the smartest kids or the most popular kids.  Seems odd that at such an early age I can recall this feeling but I can.  I think back and realize that this resentment was based on how I perceived things to be Vs how they may actually be.  This appears somewhat of a “normal” way of thinking as we sometimes percieve things that are very different once we dig a little deeper or have a conversation with someone.  I aslo realize that resenment and ego are joined at the hip.  Once my ego was bruised I immediatly resented those people becuase I percieved them as having something I didn't have or wasn't allowed to have.  In reality I'm sure that wasn't the case or at least wasn't the majority of the case that I was making out in my head at the time.

I’ve harboured these feelings for far too long.  I want these feelings to go away, I need them to no longer be a part of me.  I also know that it’s not that simple.  I know that this is something that I’m going to have to battle for the rest of my life.  

What I’ve come to realize is that gratitude is my weapon.  I have so much to be grateful for.  Most of this I’ve taken for granted and I haven’t taken the time to realize this.  Over the past couple of days I’ve really started to think deeply about gratitude.  What am I grateful for?  So many things, family, a loving wife that cares deeply for me, a roof over my head, food to eat and heat to keep me warm.  An amazing career that when I wake up in the morning there are times that I’ve literally pinched myself because I can’t believe I get to do this for a living.  I’ve found that if I keep gratitude in my heart then the resentment is easier to deal with.  I’ve gone back in my head and thought about certain points in my life where resentment has been a big part of my life.  I’ve forgiven myself for being the person that I was at that time.  After I did that it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulder.  I obviously couldn’t go back in time and change things but allowing forgiveness has allowed me to move forward.  

It’s only been a few days but already I can feel the change.  I can feel the weight lifted from my shoulders.  I feel positive in ways I haven’t felt before.  I also realize that this isn’t over.  This is something that I can’t hide and withdraw from.  I need to recognize it and use gratitude to overcome it.  

Mr. Ian Repay

Where to start...a promise.

The past six seeks has been a steady withdraw.  I haven't trained, I've avoided contact on Kwoon talk and basically ignord everything Kung Fu related.  So many excuses that to name them all here would take up the entire blog.  Not a single excuse has been a viable reason for my inactions and silence.  I've been thinking why I've retreated so much and I've come up some thoughts.

- What do I want or expect from Kung Fu?  This has been the area that I've focused my thoughts on the most.  When I think back to when I started there was one main reason, I wanted to get back into shape, full stop.  When I started training and progressing through the ranks this is exactly what I got.  I think back to those earlier years and eventhough I was 10 years younger the training was 10 times harder than what it is today.  I think there are some valid reasons like the pandemic for obvious ones but I also think that the classes and how they are taught have also changed.  I miss things like the Saturday morning fitness class, open training and Tuesday evening San Shou classes.  These three classes are the #1 reasons for my high level of fitness and engagment.  I also must add that I have to take accountability here.  Even if these classes were still being held I think it wouldn't have changed where I am too much today.  

 

What do I need from my Kung Fu today?  I need to feel the connection that I felt in the past.  I'm not feeling it today because I've withdrawn and my ego is smack dab in the way!  How can I expect to feel a connnection with my team if I don't get to know them?  In the past I would use the fitness class and San Shou as the connection.  When you bleed and sweat togther you develop a special kind of bond with each other.  Getting kicked in the ribs, punched in the nose and maybe, just maybe a good bell ring here and there is what I need?  In the past the competition of the San Shou class was amazing, the challenges the pushing past my limits and the above mentioned physical contact really helped me develop a bond with a core group of students.  I miss that and I've come to realize that we may never get back to that.  So what if we never get back to that level of training?  Should I continue to training eventhough I don't feel like I'm getting the same things from my Kung Fu?  Has my Kung Fu reduced it's self to just wanting to getting punched in the face?  Maybe and in some ways it think it has.  HOWEVER there's more to it.  

These things helped me stay engaged, stay motivated and helped me get my butt to the kwoon.  When I was in my regular class my fitness level was ahead of the class so I could push farther and harder.  I was also like a sponge when it came to learning, I think my higher level of fitness helped keep my mind focused and fresh.  I also realized that at that time I was a yellow belt so there was SOOOOOOO MUCH to learn that everyday seemed like it was Christmas morning.  I vividly remember that as a orange belt and year one of the I Ho Chuan.  At that time we had to learn Loa Gar from a student and not from a Sifu.  It was a much higher level form as well.  I can recall the excitment that I felt and honour of being "allowed" to learn this form so early on and it was kind of an exclusive thing resevered for members of the I Ho Chuan.  I may be wrong about this but that how I felt about it.  Now to be able to only learn it from a student was super cool.  I had to seek out other students and humbly asked for thier help.  I had to learn from so many different people and different times.  I remember learing parts of it before class, after class, in the change room and on open training Saturdays.  I miss this style of learning so much.  

Now it seems that we're learning everything at a white belt level and my ego hasn't been able to handle it and thus resentment and jealousy has creep in.  When I realized these two emotions I withdrew even more to where I am today.  

So where do I go from here?  I made a promise when I signed onto the team this year and that quiting isn't an option.  That's been on my mind for the past four weeks and becuase of that promise I made I won't quit.  But that also has me thinking about this roller coaster of ride that I'm on.  I don't like roller coasters and I don't like the big highs and the massive lows.  I don't know how much more of this I can take before I actually do "pull the pin" and quit?  Thanks to Mr. Bauer for reaching out to me this weekend.  He cared about how I was doing and he sent me a quick message.  I needed that and the timing couldn't have been better.   I've felt a ton of guilt the past month as I've been a horrible teammate, I haven't been at class, I've missed the last Thursday meeting and I can't remember the last I Ho Chuan class that I attended?  So where do I go from here?  I keep moving forward and I keep that promise of not quiting.  I have a lot of ground to cover and I know that I won't cover it all.  I'm ok with that becuase I'm still moving forward thanks to Mr. Bauer.

This sounds like a pity party and that may be the case but right now I writing for me and for how I'm feeling and where I am.  I don't write for other people and for how I want them to see me.  I don't write to portray myself as something I'm not and I sure as heck don't write to impress a teacher or anyone else.  I write because I need to. I need to get my feelings out of my head and out into the world.  It helps me cope with what I'm feeling and where I am right now.  I need to keep moving forward and this is a small step forward for me.

Mr. Repay

Vaccinated

I'm vaccinated and, no, I don't know what's in it - neither this vaccine, the ones I had as a child, nor in the hot dogs I love or the bread I eat, or in other treatments…whether it's for cancer, AIDS, or vaccines for children. 

I trust my doctor when she says it’s needed. I also don't know what's in Advil, Tylenol, or other meds, it just cures my headaches and my pains ... I don't know what's in the ink they used for tattoo's or every ingredient in my soap, toothpaste, shampoo or deodorant. I don’t know the long term effect of cell phone use or whether or not that restaurant I ate at this week really used clean foods and washed their hands. 

In short…there’s a lot of things I don't know and never will… I just know one thing: life is short, very short, and I still want to do something other than just go to work every day all day or stay quarantined at home. I still want to travel and hug people without fear and find a little feeling of life like it was before. As a child I was vaccinated for mumps, measles, rubella, polio, chicken pox, and others; my parents trusted the science and I never had to suffer through or transmit any of those diseases. 

I'm triple vaccinated, not to please the government but: 

* To not die from Covid 19

* To not clutter a hospital bed if I get sick.

* To hug my loved ones and friends. 

* To not have to do tests to go to a restaurant or go on holidays.

* To live my life.

* To have my kids go back to living their best lives. 

* For #Covid19 to be an old memory.

* To protect us, locally and globally.

This day was coming

Our son is moving out on his own for the first time this coming September. He's focusing on finishing his University degree in which we are immensely proud of.  

I'm beyond proud of him for the man he's become.  I'm also sad because this marks the end of HUGE chapter and the start of another one for both him and I. 

When my son was born I was 19 years old and still a kid myself. I don't think I was mature enough to raise a family but we did it and continue to. I was barely old enough to legally drink in a bar let alone start a family. Those early years were tough, I was still growing up myself while trying to figure out how to be a father and a husband. I made some huge mistakes over the years and our relationship was good but wasn't very close until about a year ago.  This past year I believe (in our own ways) we forgave each other for the mistakes we both made.  We started to really develop a close relationship that I cherish everyday. In a lot of ways I'm sad because of all the time I wasted, missed opportunities to develop that realtiobships with my son.  This is something that I can't stop thinking about as he takes this step.  It saddens me because I can't go back in time and do things over. He's an amazing young man that I'm so immensely proud of.  He's intelligent, empathetic and has a huge heart with his family at the center of it. 

All I can and will do is love him, support him and continue to develop our relationship while I continue to gently wipe the tears from my eyes.

Mr. Repay   

Day 9 - When you don’t feel like training

 Theme of today has been when you don’t feel like training, go train.  I had a really good day at work today.  I got out and saw a bunch of important clients such as Mr. Bjorquist =). I got a lot accomplished and it was so good to see these people.  

My food was back on point today.  I didn’t over eat and had a great balance of foods from all of the food groups.  My body reacts positively to a diet higher in lean protein, natural sugars derived from fresh fruits (also high in insoluble fibre) and vegetables.  I’m not restricting anything from my diet with the exception of added refined sugars.  I’m finding my blood sugar has stabilized and I’m feeling full for a much longer period.  I still crave sugar from time to time but when I do feel these cravings I’ve suppressed them with drinking lots of water and adding some fresh fruit.  The benefit of fresh fruit is that I’m consuming nutritious raw foods along with a lot of fibre.  Great for stabilizing my gut and levelling out my blood sugar.

I didn’t feel like training this evening even though I told myself that I needed to get some in to support consistency.  I was battling with my mind tonight, it telling me that I really didn’t need to as I had a great class last nigh so why not take the evening off?  I didn’t listen and went downstairs to my training hall and put in some time.  It wasn’t high intensity sort training but I did review what we did at class last night.  I used my hanging heavy bag to feel what that strike would feel like.  We obviously didn’t strike our partners in class so it was great to feel the power on the bag.  I also realized the two handed part of the technique that I didn’t really notice last night.  I also took some time with Da Mu Sing and worked on a part that I knew I was forgetting part of.  After working through it I remembered what was missing and added it back in.  In total I spent around 20 minutes but the payoff was huge in more ways than one.

Mr. Repay

Day 7 & 8

 Sunday was day seven and I chose to use it as a rest day.  I spent two really good hours on Saturday at open training and my body needed some recovery time.  What I failed to capitalize on was the mental side of my training.  I may have taken a physical day of rest but I failed to work on the non physical aspects of my Kung Fu.  Learning opportunity for myself as I need to refocus on things like Mastery and a couple of my personal non physical I Ho Chuan requirements.  

I did record all of my meals and snacks on Sunday and I’m really feeling good because of it both physically and mentally.  The tracking is helping me stave off mediocrity and my wife and I both screen share each other’s meals through out the day.  It helps us stay accountable to ourselves and each other.

Monday has been a really good day for training.  Class was excellent and the discussion and training around intensity was perfect.  It brought me back to my days as a kid playing hockey.  My Dad would talk to me about intensity.  He would discuss this with me a lot but I just couldn’t grasp the concept then and or I didn’t pay it enough attention.  I think it was more the latter.  

Today wasn’t the best food day.  I recorded everything but I over ate and ate some things that I shouldn’t have eaten.  Nothing terribly unhealthy just too much of a few things.  The positive is that I recorded everything and being aware is so important.  I also know that what I ate today was a good third to half of what I would eaten if I wasn’t mindfully tracking it.  I do notice that I’m eating too fast.  I need to slow down and take more time.  This will only help with digestion as well as the amount of food that I’m eating.  Overall I’m extremely happy with the changes we’ve made to our diet.

That’s it for now.

Mr. Repay

Day 5 & 6

 Yesterday was my birthday and it was a fantastic day.  Spent it fairly simply with my family and two of our closest friends.  I enjoyed the moment of just being with family.

I recorded my food and activity for both days and so far I haven’t missed a day.  I feel a routine starting develop.  I had a good conversation with Sifu Langer today during open training.  We talked about the Black Belt cycle and how things like consistent training and recording have a profound impact.  I’ve been inspired by Sifu Langer for a very long time.  I got to know him when he came back and before he was a black belt.  I saw him kick and claw his way on his way to earning his black belt.  Then the accident happened…. To see him today smiling and well on his way to recovery is nothing but awe inspiring.  The advice he gave me and the feedback on my forms was pure gold.  

Working with both Sifu Lindstrom and Sifu Ward was also amazing.  The opportunity that open training gives is un measurable.  There’s the opportunity to for some “one on one” feedback but I also value the informal time with everyone there.  The casual conversation, the jokes, the laughs are all part of it.  

My diet is also starting to show some results.  I’m down almost six pounds in the past week.  I do realize that this mostly water that I was retaining based on a poor diet high in salt and processed foods.  However I’ll take it!  Seeing the progress is all extremely motivating and helps me make the right choices.  

Mr. Repay

Day four

 Tougher day as I twisted my right knee and aggravated my sciatica nerve at last nights class.  I didn’t sleep much last night as there was no way to get comfortable with my leg fully extended in bed.  

Food wise, I’ve tracked my diet and over indulged a little but the tracking is the key regardless of what I eat.  Sifu Brinker and I had a great conversation about food and inflammation.  He peaked my curiosity to do some more digging.

Training wasn’t that great today but what I did I tracked.

The meeting this evening was amazing.  It’s alway awesome to hear where everyone is and how they’re doing.  It’s hard not to come away from these in person meetings even the tiniest more energized and engaged.

That’s it for now.

Mr. Repay

Three days in a row

 Yup it’s been three days in row and I’m starting to feel just a little like I felt a year ago.  What I’m keeping in mind this time is my mini goal that I set for myself.  This goal is achievable and it’s what I keep thinking about when I don’t feel like training or I feel like eating poorly. 

    My diet today was pretty good.  I switched it up to some raw overnight oats with Greek yogurt, skim milk, splash of maple syrup and some whole frozen strawberries.  I made it last night so that everything had time to get happy and thick for this morning’s breakfast.  I liked the change but It didn’t fill me up and I found myself reaching for a hard boiled egg and some protein about 10:30am.  I really find that if I in corporate a diet with whole eggs I stay full longer and my blood sugar levels stay very steady.

    Lunch was a quick thin crust pizza on a high fibre, high protein crust.  Tasty and filling and a nice break from eggs.  Only downside was heating up my oven on a very hot day.

    I’ve stayed on top of my tracking both food and training.  I almost missed tracking breakfast but I got a friendly reminder from my wife =)  I also updated the tracking on my I Ho Chuan requirements.  Not going to sugar coat this, my numbers are awe full.  What else should I expect considering my training hasn’t been where it needs to be for the last couple of months.  However I’m not dwelling on negative, but focusing on just getting back to that routine.  Consistent training and more importantly consistent with logging my numbers.  I can honestly say that when I’m logging my food and or my physical requirements I can fell myself pushing back on mediocrity.  

    Class tonight was amazing.  It seemed like every exercise Sifu had us do was the very same things I’ve been working on at home!  I think I need to check my training room for a hidden camera LOL!  At the end of class Sifu Brinker told us that there is going to be a boot camp on Sept 18th as long as things remain the same with the pandemic.  I was soooooo excited to hear this as I have very fond memories of the boot camp I attended almost 8 years ago.  What a cool experience and I have to believe that this will be the same.  Finally I heard that this Saturday we are getting our open training slot back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

That it’s for now.

Mr. Repay

Day two - updates

 Well it’s been two days and these are some things I’ve added to my plan and some general observations.

    Made and executed two days of meal planning.  We’ve made a conscience effort to reduce the sugar in our diets.  We don’t drink soda or eat a lot of sugar heavy desserts.  However there is a TON of added sugar that we don’t realize we’re eating if were not mindful.  Our current diet is a throw back to what worked for us a year ago.  A balanced diet of lean protein and high fibre foods such as fruit and veggies and whole grains and lots of eggs.  Increased our water intake to around two litres per day from about one.  Feeling full for longer periods is the goal and what we are eating is getting us there.

    Diet tracking has been a big thing.  It’s as important as recorded my push ups and sit-ups.  It helps me understand what I’m putting in my body.  Also by recording what I’m eating it helping me resist those late evening snacks.

    I’ve found that I enjoy training in the evenings at the same time that my class starts at.  I’ve tried mornings but I prefer to enjoy the quiet time with my espresso and breakfast. 

    The push up challenge is fun and I’m enjoying participating.  It’s also something that gives me a target and or a purpose for training.  I start my evening training by warming up with the goal of completing the days challenge.  I’ve found that with this goal in mind I’m accomplishing way more that initially set out to do.

    I Ho Chuan recording.  It’s only been two days but I’ve recorded and totalled them up.  

    Spinning back kicks have been one kick that I’ve chosen to spend a little extra time on.  This evening I’ve noticed that if I move my lead leg across the centre line (slightly) it's helping with my rotation.

    Hand combinations have been a favourite and I’ve been playing with my jab and fade.  I’ve really enjoyed using the jab not to make heavy contact but to feel out my distance and to set up my reverse hand.  I’ve been playing with my fade as well.  Keeping my chin tucked in and rotating the lead shoulder over to allow the jab to glance off and create some distance without moving my feet.  This allows me to quickly counter.

We’ll that’s it for now.

Mr. Repay

Fail to plan, plan to fail

 I’m not a planner, it’s not in my DNA.  I do plan but It’s an effort all of the time.  I like to float along, see where things take me which hasn’t been the best approach for my life at times.  When I have been successful it’s because I’ve put in the planning AND the effort to see it through.  This is one of those “a ha” moments for me.  It’s not always lack of planning and it’s not always lack of effort but these two are my nemesis.  When I do plan the effort and follow through seem to make an appearance.  When I have effort with out planning I still get “stuff done” but it normally isn’t what I needed to get done I just got “stuff”done.  What I’ve come to realize is that this approach isn’t one that will consistently bear fruit for me.  Sure, I’ll progress and I’ll get stuff done but It won’t get me where I want to be very quickly and most importantly WHERE I want to be.  You know the old adage “any road will take you someone where” well that’s kinda me.  

So where if any road will take you somewhere which road will take me where I want to go?  That road is the one that has lot’s of pot holes, overgrown with weeds and basically the “road less travelled”.  But on this road I’m going to find the things that will serve me for the rest of my life.  Things like fitness, good physical and mental health, a solid relationship with my family, empathy towards others.  So why are all of these things found on the less travelled road?  Because for everyone the road is unique to thier own journey.  For me these are the things at this point in my life that are important to me but require consistent effort to achieve.  I’ve let my physical health deteriorate over the past number of years.  Because of this my fitness isn’t where I need it to be.  Because of this my mental health has suffered etc etc.  Where I want to be requires me to bring myself back to the moment and ask myself “am I where I want to be”?  “Am I the best version of myself?”.  The answer is absolutely not.  

So here I am deciding that I want to be that absolute best version of myself.  I also realize that the approach I’ve taken to this point doesn’t work.  I realize that I need help, help with the journey, and help with the planning.  I need someone to pull me along when I don’t want to go any further, someone to help me be accountable and give a little pep talk, some extra motivation.  In steps my best friend to lend me that hand.  Together we’ll hold each other accountable and pull each other along when the other doesn’t want to.  In steps my I Ho Chuan team, they’ve always lent their hands and pulled me along when I’ve needed.  And now I have to step up and put the consistent effort out there.  I’m the only one that can do the push ups, sit ups and the requirements that I’ve signed up for and made that promise.

Mr. Repay

Perspective

 I’ve blogged about this in the past but this is something that keeps coming back to the forefront.  What’s my perspective?  It changes and shifts every single moment.  It’s affected by my environment, the people around me, the noise of society yet I have the ability to choose my perspective.  This is the great thing about being a human, we have choice.  With that choice comes consequences and we have to be able to accept them if we want to have free choice.  With those consequences comes perspective, they are completely and 100% linked.  

My wife and I have recently taken some holidays together and it was amazing.  We never set an agenda we just did what we wanted to do in that moment.  This was a little odd as I’m kind of a person that likes having a “loose” agenda.  However we didn’t have one of those and it was perfect!  I was able to get some training in, some forms practise but most importantly I was able to just enjoy being in the moment.  I was able to tune out the noise from society, the constant pull of the mobile device and just enjoy the moment.  I was able to evaluate my perspective on a lot things both Kung Fu related and non with most things having Kung Fu woven into them in some way.  

I realized during this time that my perspective has changed from chasing money and title most commonly known as “The American/Canadian Dream” to chasing time.  The ability to realize that I have enough money, enough stuff but never enough time.  Perhaps I’ve come to this realization because I’m at the mid point in my life?  It doesn’t matter to me why it just matters that I have realized this, finally.  I want more than anything to enjoy life, the smells, the tastes, the moment.  I’ve finally found peace with myself, a place and time that I’m truly happy both work and personally.  I can’t tell you why it’s taken this long other than I was always looking at the other side of the fence, what everyone else had and what I thought I wanted.  By doing this it affected my perspective.  You see I felt that I needed a title, more money etc to be happy when I didn’t need that at all.  

I just needed to change my perspective.

Mr. Repay

Public training

 I want to say that I really enjoy training in public but I don’t.  I actually enjoy the public demos we do as a group and I really really enjoy public speaking.  So it’s hard to understand the reasons for not enjoying training in public?  I’m feeling that are a few things coming into play and the one that I think is most prevalent is shyness.  I guess when I’m by myself I feel this emotion and I pull back and retreat.  However this is also odd as I don’t have any issues striking up a conversation with complete strangers and I actually enjoy this “on the spot” sort of conversation.  So then this must not be all of the reason.

Is is self confidence?  Perhaps as I don’t always think that my forms are worthy of display.  This was touched on by Sifu Brinker in last nights class when he asked if anyone thought their forms were black belt level, mine are not.  So if I think this is the case I also think that most people watching me are going to laugh at how bad my stances are, how low my kicks are and how pitiful my form looks as a whole.   I know this isn’t the case as so few people actually are martial artists and those that are are, are very kind and helpful.  I think about what I would do if I came across someone practising their martial art in a public park.  I would watch, intrigued by their form, the foot work the flow of the form itself.  I would wait for them to finish and I may or may not walk up to them and compliment them and ask them about their style.  Or I may just quietly walk away letting them enjoy their training time.  One thing I wouldn’t ever do is judge, laugh or critique them.  So if this is the way I would handle myself as a traditional martial artist then I must assume that most other martial artists would do the same.  

I’m limiting myself and I have to stop and I’ve slowly begin to change my thinking. Last week I was with my daughter in the mountains with some of her horse training friends.  I took some time to do some of my forms while they went ahead to the next part of their course.  While I was doing my forms some people walked by, none stopped to watch me and no one said anything to me.  I was surprised as I had these pre conceived notions going through my head.  I finished up and rejoined the group, no one said anything to me and we all went about our business.  Now there are some limits that I will still impose and one of those is public training with my nunchucks.  These are a prohibited weapons in Canada and I’m extremely careful with them.  Right now my wife and I are camping in provincial park and tonight is our IHC class.  I want to break them out but I won’t just because of the environment that I’m in.  This won’t stop me from practicing Loa Gar which is my IHC form.  The harder part is finding a better internet connection but that’s the least of my concerns right now.

I’ve been missing opportunities to train just because I’ve self imposed limits based on pre conceived notions that just aren’t there.  I’ve started to change my perspective =)

Mr. Repay

Mr. Repay

Struggling...with weight.

This is something that has been both motivating and demotivating at the same time. Last summer I was cruising with motivation. I was back at the Kwoon and I was losing weight and feeling great.  I was feeling and seeing results which is such a motivating factor.  Then I slowly stopped doing the things that made me successful.  The second lockdown happened, no more Kwoon and straight into the holidays and eating terrible.  This cascaded itself into the next six months of not training consistently and eating terribly. 

The success that I had when I was losing weight was tracking what I ate, mindfully eating and doing it with my wife. Together we would share what each other was eating and most importantly we meal planned and cooked together. 

Yesterday was one of those days that really made me realize that I need to make a change for my health. I had an in person (what are those lol) yesterday.  Now I had to put my suit back on and it didn't fit well.  I also noticed that I'm getting pain in my knees that I've never really felt before.  This is my body telling me that I've got too much weight on my joints. 

My wife and I had a great discussion and together we are going to get back to it.  We've set a large goal and a few small goals along the way.  We are doing this together.  Together we're going to have some fun and work toward getting our health back to where we want it to be.

Mr. Repay

Feeling my forms

I'm really starting to feel my forms.  There were parts of yesterday's class that really clicked for me.  Loa Gar and 18 Temple motions are my two favorite forms and each part is fairly effortless. 

What I felt yesterday was "next level" stuff and it was pretty exciting. While performing my forms I started to feel that things weren't quite aligned.  Things didn't quite feel right.  When this happens I stop and reflect back on the "why?".  Is it my hips?  Are the six harmonies really harmonious in this part of the form?  I also am finding that the timing of the harmonies are becoming more noticable.  This was especially apparent with 18 Temple motions.  I could tell when my hands finished before my feet and vise versa. I'm really bringing to feel the form and when the six harmonies are harmonious the form feels incredible, kind of like silk.  

More repition is needed on the forms I don't like as much especially during the transitions in certain parts of Da Mu Sing.

Overall I personally like our forms. All of the "good stuff" is packed into them.

Mr. Repay  

 

#5 Favorite part of the day

This is an easy one for me, morning and in particular early mornings between 5:30 and 6 am.  I love the quietness of the morning. I like watching the sunrise and things begin to awaken. This is something that I didn't always enjoy but as I got older it changed from later evenings to earlier mornings. 

My dad used to like early mornings and when I was younger and living at home it didn't make sense to me, now it does.

Mr. Repay

#4 Cats Vs Dogs

Dogs all the way!!!! Dogs just love you and want nothing in life but to be with you.  I never really had dogs growing up as a kid, just a cat.  I never knew the realtiobships with dogs until I met my wife who's a huge dog lover. We have five dogs and a couple of cats.  I don't personally have anything against cats but they just don't bring the same.realtionships that my dogs do.

Mr. Repay

Snails are still moving forward.

I'm happy to update that things are moving in the right direction even more this past week. With the first class back at the Kwoon under my belt things are starting to feel even more "normal" if that's even a thing anymore?  

I've been taking a slower approach to my training these past couple of weeks. I'm aware of where I failed and the causes of that failure. So to avoid falling back I've decided that in order to develope a sustainable pace I need to ease back into things. This is tough because I'm so far behind on my personal requirements every bone in my body is screaming at me to push hard and catch up. This isn't realistic nor sustainable. What I'm focusing on is moving forward, even if it's at a snails pace.  That forward progression will generate the results that I'm looking for and the pace will increase. 

I'm focusing on a couple of key areas.  Blogging, class attendance and forms.  Each one of these things are feeding my engament.  The next phase that I'll be moving into is my I Ho Chuan requirements that I've been slack on.  Most of these are additional personal requirements but would include push ups, sit ups etc. 

Just being back in the Kwoon with all of my training mates has made a world of difference to my mental health. I traveled (and have resumed recently) extensively prior to the pandemic and I've always struggled when I was away for prolonged periods of time. The virtual environment that has been created is a improvement but for me can never replace the in person experience. 

Snails pace for now but still moving in that all important forward direction.  

Mr. Repay

#3 Return back to the kwoon

One word, ENERGY.  It was so amazing to be back with my team and to be able to feel the positive energy.  

I'm a person that needs to be in an environment where I give and take energy.  It was such a great recharge and I really hope that we are open for good now.

Mr. Repay

2 min blog #2 - Favourite Spot

 My favourite physical spot is by far my back yard and specifically on my back deck.  We’ve spent the past ten years developing this space to be private and tranquil.  I can’t wait for spring when I get out and enjoy some time in the sun and just enjoy the peace of the space along with the smells from my trees and flowers.  My other favorite place is anywhere that I am with my wife.  She is my best friend and anything we do together brings me immense joy and happiness.

Mr. Repay

2 min Blog challenge #1 Bucket List

 When I’m thinking of a bucket list I’m thinking of all the things that I want to do in my lifetime.  These are things like living in the US for a few years, car racing on a track, riding my motorcycle from Alaska to the tip of South America.  However I also think that my bucket list items can be modified to include things that would make other peoples lives that much better.  I never looked at it this way until recently and I think that has everything to with my maturity. 

Mr. Repay

Engagement

Engagement has been the key when I've seen the most progress and dis engement is the polar opposite in every regard.  

Engement is like trust, you have to work at it, feed it and nurture it. When you lose trust it requires so much more effort and time to rebuild it and the same thing applies when I've disengaged.  

So here I am re engaging and working on re building those habits that served my engagement. I still have that little voice in the back of my head that wants me to "take a night off" because I worked hard all day and I'm a little tired. If I listen to this voice even once I'm giving in and I'm on the road to disengagement. 

There truly is a time when this becomes easier and to a degree effortless, but for me it takes real effort and constant dedication.

Mr. Repay

Feeling better

 The last couple of days have been pretty awesome.  Things have gotten clearer for me and my attitude has improved.  I watched the last virtual lesson to prepare my self for my next class.  

I had a mentorship meeting with my company on Monday and we watched a pretty cool Ted talk about mentorship.  I’m currently enrolled in a year long mentorship program with my company that kicked off about two weeks ago.  After the Ted talk we had a group discussion where I talked a little bit about our school and the I Ho Chuan program.  I even talked about “table talk Tuesdays” and how that exercise helped people get to know each other, thanks Miss Ferris.  While I was talking about the I Ho Chuan program the moderator had her camera on, watching the look on her face was pretty interesting.  She was stunned that there’s a program out there like we have.  She was actually taken aback (in a good way) about why we have this mastery program and wanted to know so much more.  After that meeting I sat back and reflected upon how lucky I am that at this exact moment I have the opportunity to participate in the program and with such an amazing group of people.  

I’ve taken my Kung Fu and the I Ho Chuan program for granted at times over the years.  If you ever want to feel the awesomeness of what we’re doing try explaining it to a non martial artist.

Mr. Repay

Crawling

 It’s been a very difficult time recently for me.  I’ve struggled the most mentally than I have ever struggled in the past.  The past six weeks have been the most difficult as I’ve leaned far away and let the pandemic take a hold of me.  This was something that had been building slowly at first then hit me really hard.  I’m a person that really needs the interaction of others.  I fed off of and give energy and without an outlet to do this it’s been very hard on me mentally.  

I pulled back to the point that I almost quit.  Just typing that is difficult.  I almost quit because I felt an immense level of guilt.  I made promises when I joined the I Ho Chuan that I broke.  My personality is that of keeping my promises and doing what I say I’m going to do.  I felt because of these broken promises it was easier to just fade away.  However in the back of mind I kept telling myself if I fade away then truly what does that say about my character?  What kind of example would I be setting for my family?  

The biggest take away for me was realizing how important my thoughts are.  During this time, I was obviously down on myself.  Because of these thoughts they became my words.  Those words turned in actions (or no actions at all which is the same) which in turn influenced my behaviour.  I’ve realized that this lesson was taught to me many years ago by an informal mentor.  He tried to teach me how important this is in my life and how easily you can move through this process without even realizing it.

Today I have a great conversation with Sifu Brinker.  We talked about theses things and most importantly had some laughs.  Right now I’m crawling my way forward even if it’s just one cm.

Mr. Repay

Slown and steady wins the race.

It's been more of a struggle this year than last.  Lots of reasons (excuses) for this and none of which are justification for where I've been recently. 

What I have been focusing on is getting back to a routine. Working on my push ups and sit ups in small sets. I'm not pushing hard right now to do fifty push up sets but rather ten push up sets multiple times through out the day.  I'm throwing in some forms as well as some techniques.  It's kind of like I've "weaponized" my training in small bites Vs setting aside a big chunk of time.  Ultimately this works for me and it's easier to sustain. I've realized that I need to do what works for me and only for me when it comes to my training.  I'm getting to a better mental place because of this which is helping with my physical training as they're intrinsicly linked.  

This I Ho Chuan year is going to be messy and dirty but perhaps this is exactly what I need?

Mr. Repay

Resentment and negativity

 I’ve struggled with resentment for a very very long time.  I actually can’t remember a time where I haven’t felt resentment of some kind.  When I think of resentment I thinking more toward comparing my pain and that of what I perceive in other people.  I look at myself and my struggles throughout my life.  Then I look at other people and expect them to struggle just like me.  When I see someone who isn’t struggling like I had I feel immediate resentment and in some ways I want them to not be as successful or as positive as they are.  I can’t shake this even though I’ve tried to change my thinking.  I’ve even looked at it in such a way that other people may be struggling with life in ways that I’m not.  It works for a little while but then I get back to my old ways of thinking. I really want to get past this as when I’m in this mindset I’m not a very good person and I pull back to the extreme.

This is where I am right now.

I don’t want to feel like this, I don’t want to carry this negativity for any longer in my life.  I know I have to let go but I don’t know how to fully let go?  I keep carrying this burden of pain that seems to have embedded it’s self into my very core.  

When I think back to when it all started for me I can almost pin point it.  When I was very young I was cut from my hockey club.  I was too young to really understand the reasons but from what my parents told me the reasons were “political” in nature.  Up to that point I had never felt failure and I was always succeeding at a high level.  Looking back on this moment I felt a lot of anger that someone (an adult) could take this way from me for reasons that had nothing to do with my ability.  I used that anger to push myself and to prove them wrong.  What I’ve realized is that I haven’t stopped trying to prove myself.  But what am I trying to prove and to whom?  

The second instance I can think of was a particular teacher in grade nine that told me I wouldn’t amount to anything.  He physically threw his keys and black board brushes at me, hit me in the back of the head and actually had one of my contacts come out and land on my books.  He constantly “bullied” me in a mental and physical way during that school year.  I was determined to prove him wrong, to show him that I was smarter and that I would amount to more than he ever thought I would.  I’ve resented him for all of these years and through writing this blog I realized how deeply it’s hurt me.  

I need to let go, to let myself feel like I have nothing left to prove to anyone.  Writing this blog has helped me move in the direction.  I still don’t feel like I’ve let it all go and I’m still fearful that I’m going to fall back into this mindset.  As I type this final sentence I feel a tremendous amount of weight lifted from my soul.

Mr. Repay

Poverty

This is a topic that I must admit I haven't experienced first hand. However as I'm getting older it's something that has become more important to me.  

My wife and I grew up in small town Saskatchewan.  I have a really close knit family that had a farm and everyone had a massive backyard garden. We never went hungry, ever.  But we also didn't have some of the "luxuries" that my friends had growing up.  This never bothered me because my parents raised me to appreciate what we had not to envy what others had.

My wife and I started our family before we both turned 20.  It was hard, we didn't have alot and we struggled finacially for many years. When we moved to Alberta in 2001 from Saskatchewan it was a shock to say the least.  Culturally the two provinces were at opposite ends of the political spectrum. My wife didn't work and I was making very little at the time. 

We never were below the "poverty line" but if it wasn't for our families helping when they could I think we may very well have slipped below it.  Over the past ten years things have drastically improved for us and we been able to travel quite a bit.  We've been to quite a few central American and Caribbean countries.  We love the culture and the people so much but the poverty has been eye opening.  To see how much people earn and how much it costs people just to eat is tough to comprehend. I know that my family has wasted more than many families in these countries earn in a month, year etc.  

I've been so "busy" working on making my families life better that I've not taken a look at what I can do to improve other's lives. Through my Kung Fu I've developed a higher level of mindfulness and empathy that has helped me see things like poverty in a different light.  I'm beyond thankful for where I was born as we have so much opportunity in this country. At the same time there is poverty all around me and I don't even have to leave my province or country. I'm ashamed to reflect on my own wastefulness as so many people could benefit from what I take for granted and for what I waste.  I would like to say that I've erradicated all of my wastefulness and moved to a minimistic style of living. But that's not true.  I'm working with my family to be more aware of where we are wasteful so that we can change our habits. It's a slow process but we are making the changes and seeing improvement in this area everyday. 

Mr. Repay

Friendships

 I'ts been a tough two weeks.  I developed what I thought was a really good friendship over the past three years.  It started out through my work and grew from there. Two weeks ago things fell apart and it's hit me really hard. I've been struggling mentally and emotionally and I didn't really see it coming.

Friendships are such an interesting dynamic.  There are times when those relationships feel like family and then there’s times where they feel just awful. I love people and I really value meaningful relationships, maybe too much.  I really enjoy meeting new people, understanding who they are and what makes them who they are.  I enjoy seeing these relationships develop and helping any way that I can.  I’ve developed relationships through business that have been amazing but most of them haven’t turned out the way I expected them to.  Too may times these relationships are there because someone wants something from me.  

This is where my problems lie, I want to always see the good in people not the side of them that they show me just to get something from me that benefits them.  I’ve been taken advantage many times before because I trusted right from the start where there are some people that live by the mantra of “you need to earn my trust”.  

I don’t want to change who I am but I also need to be more aware of the reasons people want to be my friend.  I don’t know where I going to be from here in regards to who I let into my life.  Recently I’ve been really careful who I let in.  As I’m getting older I don’t feel like I want more people inside my inner circle, I don’t want my friendship to be taken advantage of.  I want people to show me who they truly are not who they think I want them to be. 

I’m sadden right now because I’m dealing with a situation just like I’ve described.  We’ve both made mistakes and I really hopeful that we can move past them.

Mr. Ian Repay

For the love of the game

 Doing something purely for one’s love of something rather than for money or any other benefit.  This is doing something for the love of the game.  I’ve kind of forgotten this and thinking about my love of Kung fu has brought me back a little.  This year there is a lot on my plate, I Ho Chuan requirements, earning my second degree so that I earn the right to grade for my black belt. I started to doubt myself as to why exactly I decided that I wanted to make this year my potential grading year.  Things have started to overwhelm me a little and I needed to take a pause for a brief moment.  A moment to reflect on why I chose to be a martial artist and why I decided that I wanted to earn my black belt?  I needed to get back to my love of the game.

That love was why I made my first step inside the Kwoon over a decade ago.  That first step was to get into better physical shape by doing something I knew I always wanted to try.  I kept going back to class because the people become like family members to me.  We laughed, we cried and we shed blood sweat and tears together.  The whole while we grew closer by helping each other grow and become better people.  That better person has become me because I loved attending class, I loved learning new things and building some great relationships with everyone there.  That was and still is my love for the game I just forgot about it.  

I’ve come to realize that when I lose this I need to do the simple things.  For me that includes putting my uniform on and tying my belt.  It may seem like a simple thing but it get’s me in the right mental state to train.  My next step is to pick up my nunchucks, they are the weapon I love the most and just holding them motivates me to want to train.  When times are mentally difficult for me these are two things that help bring me back.  It’s the little things along with the big things (structure) that I lean on to make sure that I’m not losing what I love.

Mr. Repay

Kung Fu isn't for everyone but it's for me.

"Kung Fu isn't for everyone but it's available to everyone" is a direct quote by Sifu Brinker that he wrote as a comment on my blog a few weeks ago.  This has gotten me thinking about my journey these past ten years. 

When I think back to my white, yellow and orange belts everything was new and shiny.  There was so much to learn that advancing through the ranks was methodical and so much fun.  As I moved through green and blue things really started to change. These mid rank belts took alot longer to move through than I was used to. Things were still "shiny" but they amount of new that I was learning had dropped off. I had to start to focus on the fine details or my eye for detail.  This was tough on me as I'm not a person that likes the details as much then as I do now.  When I got blue belt my life took a big turn. I changed careers, moved away to South Carolina and things fell off the rails. I actually quit SRKF...  During this time I changed careers and moved away to Winnipeg for over a year while my family stayed behind in Stony Plain.  My Kung Fu couldn't have been farther from my mind.  Fast forward to 2018 when I came back to SRKF.  Something was always missing in my life with out SRKF.  I wasn't a complete person with out it. 

Now I'm at the point where Sifu Brinker made that comment on my blog. I will admit I was taken aback by it. I took the better part of a week to try and understand what he was trying to tell me?  I booked a "one on one" and we talked about it.  It was at that moment I understood what he was trying to tell me.  It was an awakening for me, that moment when clarity entered my mind.  I can truly say that some of my most engaging Kung Fu has been over the past two weeks.  I'm getting stronger, my kicks are getting much better and mentally I'm in a good place.  The challenge will be to keep the pace, not let this momentum wain.  What's helping me keep the pace is a combination of many things.  One on ones, attending my classes, being consistent with my I Ho Chuan requirements engaging with other team members.  

The most important thing is engaging with my family and having them with me on this journey.  This hasn't happened in years past and I can see the difference.  In particular having my wife hold the bag on Sundays when we do our kicks has been so important to me.  She's there counting my kicks, giving me feedback and most importantly encouragement!  Her steadfast support and encouragement is the keystone to my success.

Some updates

 Today I felt like writing about some updates.  Last week I wasn't feeling great mentally and I let that mental state affect my training.  I didn't stop training but I wasn't training at my normal level.  One thing that resonated with me was something Sifu Brinker said during one of our meetings.  He made mention that some of us would be struggling one week into the Year of the Ox.  Well that was me but what surprised me is that it's only one week in.  For some reason I was thinking that we were a significant way into the year and I was starting to feel some pressure on my preparation for my grading.  What's really interesting is that once I realized that, I started to feel much better about where I am.  I have to be careful to not get too complacent with my training either.  I just need to ensure that I know where I am and where I'm heading.

The I Ho Chuan meeting this Thursday and the Saturday brown belt meeting was also a massive help to me.  It was great to hear and see everyone on the team.  Listening to everyone share where they are and how helpful everyone is to one an other is such a motivating factor.  I also realized that I need to schedule "one on ones" which for some reason I resisted.

I'm really enjoying the Saturday fitness class that Sifu Thomson is holding.  When I think back to years past the Saturday fitness class was such a HUGE reason for being in great shape.  I'm not a fan of cardio but Sifu Thomson found a routine that made it "cough cough"....... enjoyable.  

Finally this afternoon the Kohuts, Bjorkquist's and myself (with my my wife) ran through the kicks and punch portion of the black belt fitness exam.  Tons of work is needed but I really enjoy getting together as a group, cheering each other on and seeing the (in my case) minute progress lol!  

So if I'm going to tie a bow on all of this, engagement is the key.  Even when I don't feel like being engaged, I have to find the ways to keep engaging.  We have a great group of people that I absolutely love training with and they are the keys to success!

Mr. Repay

Covid Fatigue

I'm feeling this fatigue more than I've been willing to admit until today.  I'm feeling like I'm on a hamster wheel that's spinning out of control but going no where. 

My training has been declining and I'm struggling to take consistent action on my daily requirements. Recently I injured my thumb pretty bad which seemed like the icing on this cake.  I wasnt able to participate in the Sunday group test which sapped more energy that I don't have to give.  

This may sound like alot of complaining and "whoa is me" but it's not.  It's a snapshot of exactly where I am right now.  Writing about this is part of the recovery and I'm not going to hide or be untruthful about my current situation.  

Time to start anew with my Zoom class tonight.  

Mr. Repay

That crazy center line & A ha!

 During the weekly brown belt meeting a great question was posed by Mr. Bjorkquist about the Long form.  Master Brinker took some time to address this and the way he described the center line and how he moves keeping his center line protected was an "a ha" moment for me.  

I've thought about the center line many times over my training and I know where it is.  What I didn't realize was how I was moving in relation to my center line.  I've been crossing over my center line with blocks, over rotating on kicks and not being overly aware of where my center line is.  The really cool thing about being aware of of my center line is the six harmonies that come into play.  By keeping my center line secure, I'm moving more of my body and I'm feeling the connection with the harmonies and with the ground.  I'm feeling more secure and more connected with my body and the ground, it's hard at times to describe what I'm feeling but I feel way better .

It's a really cool feeling that I wished I felt earlier in my training.  

Mr. Repay

Any road won't get you where you want to go.

 I realized that for a lot of my life I used to sort of float along in the wind, content to go where the wind blew in certain aspects of my life.  I'm not a person that embraces structure even though I see the benefit of it.  Way back when I started baking and managing a bakery there was this boss that was all about structure.  I remember when he would come into my bakery asked me "Ian, where's your list?"  This listed all the things I needed to get made for the day in priority from top to bottom.  Needless to say I rarely had a list and if I did it wasn't prioritized.  I fought against this as I felt I didn't need one, I knew what needed to get done and I would make it happen.  Thinking back on this, it my ego that was running my life and it wasn't about to be ruled by a list.

I've realized that if I want to be successful in my personal or professional life I will need to make a few "lists".  This isn't always about making a list but more it talks about adding some structure to my life.  I can't earn my black belt just by floating on the breeze, it just won't happen.  I remember that Sifu Brinker said that black belts are "control freaks".  They want to control almost every aspect of their lives and this comes from the adaptation of structure.  

This morning a group of us candidates got together on Zoom to run through the kick portion of the grading test.  I must say, I wasn’t looking forward to it and in my mind I was looking for excuses to not participate.  I have this bad habit of thinking the worst which is a departure from my mostly positive attitude.  I am very thankful I took part because I did better than I thought I would.  I even got my wife to come and participate by holding the bag and helping keep count.  Having her there was sooooooo important to me as she is my support and motivation to keep going when I don’t want to.  

Because of today I now have a “baseline” for where I am with my kicks. I’m a data nerd so I’ve already made a spreadsheet with way too many columns just to see the data as I want to see it.  I might even make a pivot table which is WAYYYYYY too much but that’s just me.  This brings me back to the start of the blog, I now have a list of things that I need to accomplish every day and I’m consistently logging those numbers.  I can’t be successful in life or in Kung Fu by just floating in the wind.  I feel that this structure has changed my life for the better and I just need keep bringing out the inner control freak.

Mr. Repay

Consistent Action

Seems simple enough.  So why do I overcomplicate this so much?  It should be as simple as doing something every day.  It doesn't have to be structured in such a way that it has to happen at the same time and place.  Sure this may make it easier and I've seen this benefit in my training. In my line of work this isn't possible.  So because of this and our virtual environment it should make it easier to take consistent action.  Nope, because I'm thinking that I need at least 30 minutes everyday with a bow in and bow out sort of structure.  This is important and I also see value in this but this has to be coupled with some impromptu and unstructured training to make it effective for me. It's a "hybrid" or what I call "composite" style of training. 

I've realized that I need to take even a few minutes everyday to get in some training. This is above my structure which is my I Ho Chuan requirements of push ups and sit ups etc.  This program has brought me much needed structure.  Where the "composite" part comes in is where I plug in some forms, some tequniques, a few kicks and punches etc. Every little bit of this extra training is fruitful in its own way.  Consitent action is pretty simple if I just don't over think it.

Mr. Repay

lessons in trajectory

I've been working with my new pair of nunchuku.  They're very different from my old style chain and ball bearing ones that I've been exusivley using.  

What I've noticed with this new pair is how unforgiving they are.  Because the rope connecting them is much shorter than the old chain ones and these don't have ball bearings I've had to almost go back to the drawing board. The old ones had a good amount of chain that would wrap around my hand and wrist.  While the ball bearings allowed the handle to rotate.  These two aspects of the old chucks made them easier to use especially when the trajectory wasn't quite on.  

With thes new ones, I have to be completely aware of the rotation and trajectory of the chuck otherwise they're not going to spin where I want them to.  The other noticable difference is where I'm holding them. The old ones were held at the very top of the handle because of the way they are built and balanced. These new ones are held alot lower down and this increases the range and helps with the balance of the weapon.  

I've also been playing with some spins and throws.  This style of nunchuku is so more easier to feel where they are either in my hand or in the air.  This is exactly where proper tracjorty comes into play. If I'm not either completly horizontal or vertical with the trajectory of the spin or throw they aren't going to end up where I'm expecting them to be.  This results in them dropping all the time.  I've started to put together a cool single nunchuku form that incorporates this spin then a throw in the air caught with the other hand and then in to a pretty cool finishing technique.  I haven't decided if I want to start or end with this sequence but the more I'm playing the more I'm learning. 

If you ever want to understand proper trajectory of anything grab a hinged weapon.  You'll quickly and perhaps painfully understand the importance of proper tracjorty.

Mr. Repay

Mediocrity & the fear of failure

 Mediocrity has been on my mind so much over the past couple of months.  It's because it's battling me really hard.  I'm feeling like I'm training in a silo, by my self even though we're doing our best to persevere in a virtual environment.  I personally need to "feel" the energy of the people around me, I feed off it and I like to release it for others.  I know that I can't wait for the kwoon re open and use this time as an excuse to waste more time.  I've realized that I need to reach out for help to keep the energy up.  The Q&A, my classes the brown belt meetings on Saturday and the "one on ones" are here to help.  I've taken advantage of each of these at times and there are times that I've discarded the tools because I thought I didn't need them.

What's interesting is that no matter what I thought, I need every one of these tools.  I thought about what these tools would be like if we weren't in a pandemic and every single one is just as important.  I remember fondly of the "one on one" meetings with Sifu Brinker in his office.  I ALWAYS came away from those conversations with so much clarity and renewed energy.  I think about the benefit of attending my classes and not missing the opportunities that each one brought.  If I missed a class it was gone forever now the classes are recorded and aren't lost forever or at least for now they're all still there.  In so many ways this Pandemic has made the ability to train and feed on so much more knowledge abundant.  But feeding is different that absorbing if I'm not taking the time to peel the layers back by actually training.  That's the key to everything and the thing that I've struggled with, consistent training with some sort of structure.  

When I went to the Kwoon to train the structure was there.  In a virtual environment it's easier to avoid the structure by just not logging in on my ipad.  I used to think that the hardest part of training was getting in my car and now the hardest part seems to be going to my basement.  That really put into perspective that with the in person or virtual training the struggle is the same.  So it comes down to the "why"?  Why am I struggling to train?  I have the most important year right in front of me and yet I'm struggling at times to find the motivation to train.  I know the reason, I don't want to fail and have to go through this year all over again.  I'm telling myself that the road that I'm on is too difficult.  It's painful and full of potholes.  To earn my black belt I have to be the absolute best version of myself both physically and mentally.  My mind and medicority are telling me the journey is too difficult and I'm afraid to fail.  I'm afraid that If I fail the fitness test I'll have to re do this year all over again and I'm not sure that I have it in me to do it again.  Mediocrity has a hold of me and we're battling it out against each other because I'm not ready to give in but I need some help.

Mr. Repay

Mr. PushUp

I strongly dislike doing push ups but I like the results. So I force myself to get down and get them done.  I like the strength that I'm building particularly in my back and core.  I thought it was all about shoulder and arm strength but a proper push up builds total body strength. 

The other (non physical) effect that I'm enjoying is the structure it brings. I'm not a big proponent of structure, It's not in my DNA.  Adding structure has unexpected and positive results. This structure is helping me be accountable to the tracking.  I'm now (this year) religiously tracking everything I'm doing including but not limited to PU and SU's. I'm tracking my food in take, my water, my form reps etc etc.  This added benefit is helping me with my professional life.  I'm able to stay on track easier and follow through better on commitments and projects.

So in closing, thank you Mr. Pushup.  

P.s I still don't like you.

Ramblings and Success

I'm more intrigued than ever to read everyone's blogs.  What's got me thinking is how everyone is approaching their development and training styles.  It's absolutely fascinating to witness it and it helps motivate me to continue developing.  

This year in particular I've focused my training around what I've found works for me. That's doing my sit ups and push-ups in the mornings and through out the day.  I use my phone to log my reps and keep an updated running total.  My goal everyday is to get to a minum 100 of each and depending on how my shoulder (feeling pain in only the top left shoulder) feels I'll do some more.  What's different for me this year is that I'm taking a measured approach. I'm breaking things down in "chewable" chuncks which makes my progress easier and more sustainable.  I'm working toward a goal that's attainable but not all in one month.  This is important for me to note that in the past I would have these huge highs where I would train like a madd man then not at all.  This often would lead to burnout and injury which set me back more than it helped me move ahead.

I'm enjoying watching how other students are staying engaged.  Some are using YouTube for videos both on blogs and techniques and others are taking advantage of Kwoon talk and regular blogging. For me regular blogging has been the most beneficial tool for my progression this year. I go back and look at the number of blogs I've written and it motivates me to keep going. I've gone back an re read my blogs to recognise my highs and lows.  I can glean reasons for both just by re reading what I wrote.  I can't stress enough how important blogging has been for my success this year.  

That last sentence was surprisingly difficult to write...  I see this year as a success even though I haven't yet accomplish everything that I set out to do.  My personality has been that of perfection and ego.  If I'm not the very best, I've failed. I believe that this year I've taken a step away from that.  I'm not the best and I'm not perfect.  What I am is a better person to myself and my family because of the growth I've experienced this year as SRKF martial artist.

Mr. Repay 

Missing in action

I wish I could tell you that my missing in action for the past couple of weeks was due to an epic journey.  A journey that was life changing, enlightening and inspiring.  Nope, these last couple of weeks were nothing more than a pity party.  Nothing more than me being lazy and falling down a dark hole of mediocrity.  Actually mediocrity might have been an improvement.

I also want to say that I've figured it out and that I know exactly what happened and corrected it. Not exactly.  I do know what caused it.  I stopped training, I took a day off and that turned into two, three etc etc.  During that time I became resentful of the people that were staying engaged.  This isn't a good feeling, I needed to be happy for them, feed off of their positivity.  Instead I used it to fuel the pity party.  

All of the progress that I had made in the year was flushed down the tubes.  The fitness and strength that I had built was gone and now I have to start anew.  That in its self is the hardest part for me. Having to start again when it feels like I've restarted this engine more times than I want to count.  When I reflect on this I find the positives.  I haven't quit because quiting means that I've given up.  I haven't given up because I'm choosing to start again.  This morning I started back with the simplest thing, push ups and sit ups.  I tracked my breakfast and I weighed in and recorded that (uggggg that was a gut punch) too.  

Mr. Repay  

Perfect is too slow.

I had a meeting with a potential business partner today.  I ultimately wanted to review my coaching vision with her and understand her vision for her own company.  During that conversation I asked to share it with her to get some feedback.  I also asked for a bit more time as it's only about 80% complete.  That's when she told me to send it the way it is because "perfect is too slow".  I was taken aback by this statement. But after some thought I started to really understand that if we keep working on something until we think it's perfect it's too late.  In the business world and in life things are moving and changing so quickly.  In this case I wanted her feedback and 80% is more than enough for her to get a good sense on what I'm doing.

I also started to think about my Kung Fu.  Can I apply this same philosophy?  The answer is yes and no.  Yes in that perfection in one small area will take so much time and effort that I'll be missing the bigger picture and advantages. No in that I'm not going to accept anything less than perfection evventhough I also know I'll never attain it.  The pursuit of perfection (Mastery) is the motivation.  The motivation to keep moving toward mastery that will allow myself to embrace it over mediocrity.  

We are not all the same.

I've been thinking about this since Sifu discussed it last night.  I couldn't agree more with this.  I have my own way of training that works and at times doesn't.  What's important is understanding both of these.  What I'm very careful of is taking in its entirety, what works for someone else and try to make that work for me.  It just doesn't and in fact sets me back more than helps move me forward.  I'm open to watching and listening to the people around me and I'll test to see if it can fit with my own personality.  I need to continue to understand my personality and how it contributes to my training.  What are my "hot buttons" and "what things keep me up at night?". Once I understand these things I'm better able to cope and keep moving my training ahead.  

How I train on my own is personal.  I don't feel the need to share every moment of it.  On the flip side I need to communicate more on things I may need help with.  

How I choose to engage and stay engaged is on me.  I don't want to look at others and make judgements or have judgments leveled against me.  Am I moving forward?  Am I progressing?  If the answer is yes, then does it matter how I'm choosing to make that progression?  This journey is my own, but I'm not on the journey by myself.  As a Kung Fu citizen of SRKF I'm on my journey with like minded individuals, 

teammates and family.  I have to be aware of this and contribute and help my SRKF members like they help me.  

At times my ego rears it ugly head and I start to feel resentment.  Resentment towards others who perhaps are more engaged, are more positive and more skilled.  Who am I to judge this, their development and their passion?  During these times I reflect back on Mastery and hit the reset button.  I need to remove (ego driven) resentment so that I can allow myself to be in the moment and allow myself to learn. 

Mr. Repay 

Opportunity to share Mastery

Yesterday I was with a business client and the most amazing thing occured through the course of our conversation.  First I found out that one of my clients is a black belt in Karate and secondly I got to talk about Stewart Emery’s Mastery.  I feel that our SRKF culture has roots in our lineage but “Mastery by Stewart Emery” lent it’s self to being one of the biggest parts of SRKF’s culture.  I see it in myself, our Sifu’s in Master Brinker and any student that has spent any significant amount of time training here.  

Mastery has changed my life.  I can’t say enough about who I was ten years ago to who I’ve become.  I worked hard at scrubbing ego and mediocrity from my life.  I’m especially careful who I souround myself with.  I’ve (with out realizing it immediately) have only allowed people into my life that want more from me that I want from myself.  I’ve been guilty of allowing mediocrity seep back into my life from time to time.  However I won’t let it cripple me like it used to in the past.

The conversation I had was so powerful.  Once I got to share this you could see the life changing principle flash across their faces.  They are both extremely successful people in their own right but reading this was almost life changing in a small way.  I spoke with one of them after and he told me that he’s been having a tough couple of weeks.  Reading what I shared with him was exactly what he needed in his life.  I’ve also shared my blogs with him and he again was grateful that I shared it with him and it’s inspiring him to start blogging himself.

My Kung Fu has done so much for me and I find it hard at times to truly grasp the impact on my life.  What is so incredible is to see the impact that my Kung fu has on others, that’s the greatest gift that my Kung Fu has given me.

Mr. Repay

When no one's watching.

What I do when no one is watching says everything about me.  It’s easier to display what I want people to see when I’m in front of them.  I can say all the right things do all the right things in that moment.  But If I don’t follow through on what I said then it says all they need to know about my character and that’s hard to overcome in the future.  

Leadership is living my life based on my principles and values or simply my character.  Everyone has character and it’s up to that person to define their character based on their principles and ultimately their actions for all to see.  As I get older I’m starting to see through what people want me to see versus what I really see.  I’m not as easily fooled charisma, grandious promises etc and I guess I’m getting a little more pessimistic of people.  I don’t want to follow people that don’t have the same values or principles that I hold dear.  I’m also very careful and choosy of who I souround myself with.  The people that I choose to let into my life need to be people that I respect and expect more of me that I do of myself.  They must push me to be a better version of who I am.  These people have demonstrated that they live their values and do this when no one is watching.  

This year I’m working to achieve my professional coaching certification.  I have a real passion for people and business development.  As I work my way through this I’m going to be focusing on strengthening and enhancing my own values.  I will be the leader and coach that lives by example and helps people to do the same in their lives and businesses.  Most of this development will happen when no one’s watching.

Mr. Repay