Resentment and the power of gratitude.

I've been feeling this emotion for a long time.  Outside of the obvious emotions such as happiness, sadness, fear etc resentment is something I've carried with me for far too long.  I can trace feeling this emotion way back to being a child.  I think it started when in grade school I wasn't picked to be in the grade school class that I perceived to have the smartest kids or the most popular kids.  Seems odd that at such an early age I can recall this feeling but I can.  I think back and realize that this resentment was based on how I perceived things to be Vs how they may actually be.  This appears somewhat of a “normal” way of thinking as we sometimes percieve things that are very different once we dig a little deeper or have a conversation with someone.  I aslo realize that resenment and ego are joined at the hip.  Once my ego was bruised I immediatly resented those people becuase I percieved them as having something I didn't have or wasn't allowed to have.  In reality I'm sure that wasn't the case or at least wasn't the majority of the case that I was making out in my head at the time.

I’ve harboured these feelings for far too long.  I want these feelings to go away, I need them to no longer be a part of me.  I also know that it’s not that simple.  I know that this is something that I’m going to have to battle for the rest of my life.  

What I’ve come to realize is that gratitude is my weapon.  I have so much to be grateful for.  Most of this I’ve taken for granted and I haven’t taken the time to realize this.  Over the past couple of days I’ve really started to think deeply about gratitude.  What am I grateful for?  So many things, family, a loving wife that cares deeply for me, a roof over my head, food to eat and heat to keep me warm.  An amazing career that when I wake up in the morning there are times that I’ve literally pinched myself because I can’t believe I get to do this for a living.  I’ve found that if I keep gratitude in my heart then the resentment is easier to deal with.  I’ve gone back in my head and thought about certain points in my life where resentment has been a big part of my life.  I’ve forgiven myself for being the person that I was at that time.  After I did that it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulder.  I obviously couldn’t go back in time and change things but allowing forgiveness has allowed me to move forward.  

It’s only been a few days but already I can feel the change.  I can feel the weight lifted from my shoulders.  I feel positive in ways I haven’t felt before.  I also realize that this isn’t over.  This is something that I can’t hide and withdraw from.  I need to recognize it and use gratitude to overcome it.  

Mr. Ian Repay