Crawling

 It’s been a very difficult time recently for me.  I’ve struggled the most mentally than I have ever struggled in the past.  The past six weeks have been the most difficult as I’ve leaned far away and let the pandemic take a hold of me.  This was something that had been building slowly at first then hit me really hard.  I’m a person that really needs the interaction of others.  I fed off of and give energy and without an outlet to do this it’s been very hard on me mentally.  

I pulled back to the point that I almost quit.  Just typing that is difficult.  I almost quit because I felt an immense level of guilt.  I made promises when I joined the I Ho Chuan that I broke.  My personality is that of keeping my promises and doing what I say I’m going to do.  I felt because of these broken promises it was easier to just fade away.  However in the back of mind I kept telling myself if I fade away then truly what does that say about my character?  What kind of example would I be setting for my family?  

The biggest take away for me was realizing how important my thoughts are.  During this time, I was obviously down on myself.  Because of these thoughts they became my words.  Those words turned in actions (or no actions at all which is the same) which in turn influenced my behaviour.  I’ve realized that this lesson was taught to me many years ago by an informal mentor.  He tried to teach me how important this is in my life and how easily you can move through this process without even realizing it.

Today I have a great conversation with Sifu Brinker.  We talked about theses things and most importantly had some laughs.  Right now I’m crawling my way forward even if it’s just one cm.

Mr. Repay