It's all about perspective

Master Brinker and I sat down and had a very good chat last week.  You know those chats are always amazing and I come out of them focused and energized. 

We talked about many things but the thing that resonated with me the most was "perspective".  In my mind I have this crazy ripped Kung Fu crazy man!  Where in actuality I'm no where near that image in my mind.  I have to change my perspective and I have to do it now or I will be on a road to no where.  What I mean by this is that I need to get back to baby steps in my training.  I need to get back to doing the simple training, the recording of numbers so that my perspective matches my training.  This isn't to say that I'm happy with where my training is but its accepting that I can't expect to get back to the level I was at two years ago in one week.  It's impossible not matter how much I want it.  That's where I feel that I have fallen down in my training.  I feel like I have failed myself, my Sifu's and my teammates.  When in actuality I have failed my self from the perspective that I have been holding so tightly to.

I have taken some time to reflect on where I have come in my training.  It's pretty amazing to see what I have accomplished as soooooo few people would even attempt to start and if they started would give up fairly quickly.  Kung Fu is part of my life, it's part of who I am and I am so very thankful that I walked through that door and became part of the family. 

I'm not big on quotes and this one may have been overused but it really talks to perspective.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step" - Lao Tzu

Ian Repay
Student Of Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, Alberta Canada

Call for help

I need some help.  It's tough for me to say but I need it.  I have almost completly quit not only the I Ho Chuan team but Kung Fu as well.  To admit this is really difficult for me as Kung Fu has been a huge part of my life over the past five years.  However right now its the smallest part of my life. 

I can and can't explain why this has happened.  But let me start with why I think this has happened.  It started when I joined Michelin.  The job isn't the excuse but rather shone a bright light on the problems I have with my Kung Fu but just hadn't come to realize yet.  That problem is discipline and mediocrity.  I got out of my routine and I didn't have the disciple to continue.   I saw that being like the rest of society was ok and I began to accept mediocrity.  And boy was it easy to accept!  Well now two years later, I still work for Michelin (Awesome company!) and my Kung Fu has almost ceased to exist.

When I look back on these past two years I have to realize that I am not willing to put the effort and hard work to get back to where I was.  I'm unwilling to put my body through the pain, the sweat and the tears.  I want the results and I'm currently unwilling to put the effort in.  When I'm back at the kwoon it's not as difficult to want to train.  It's the traveling and the time away from my friends and family at the kwoon that is the most difficult.  You see, I have never been very good at discipline especially when no one is watching me.  I have talked with numerous people and that have all gave me some really good advice that works for them.  I always appreciate the feedback and advice but it won't do me any good as long as I'm unwilling to put any of it into action.

So I feel right now that I am at a huge cross roads...  On one hand, I want to quit and move on.  On the other hand there is something missing, something burning deep inside me that says keep pushing.  I honestly don't know if I am mentally ready to re commit myself to the training.  I don't know how to keep myself on the path when I am away so much and it's too easy to just quit.  The one thing that has kept me going has been the postings and the journals from my team mates.  To see everyone engaged they way they are has been amazing and it has shamed me all at the same time. 

I was at the kwoon (well actually across the street) at 7:30 last night but I couldn't walk through that door.  I didn't feel worthy to walk in the door and participate in class when I haven't been there for my teammates this year.  I drove away and never felt worse in doing so.

I am not one that asks for help but I'm asking now.

Ian Repay
Student Of Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, Alberta

Changes & Stability

Once again this year, my life is full of changes.  I have taken on a new advanced role within Michelin which I'm happy about but it does take a ton of time away from home.  You know you have been traveling a lot when you do actually wake up in your own bed but think your waking up in a hotel room.  I must tell you, I am really developing a dislike for hotels and airports. 

Anyway, other things are changing as well.  My son is graduating from high school in a couple of weeks and this is a big deal for me.  I am very proud with what he has done with his life and I am happy that he has some motivation to continue on with his education at NAIT in the fall.  As a parent, you always wish and hope for the best for your children and I am so happy that he has worked hard to get where he is right now.

I also recently bought a motorcycle!  Some of you may have seen it at the kwoon, and I am so happy.  It's been at least twenty years since I rode and at that time I was much younger and had a different "style" of riding then than now.  Riding a motorcycle may not seem like it has much to do with Kung Fu but I think there are some similiaties.  When I first started riding and training, I was very stiff and had a lot of tension in my body particulary in my shoulders.  I noticed that while riding with this tension, the ride was very harsh and I was fatigued from riding.  I started to realize that I needed to relax my shoulders, my grip, my legs and essentially employ the six harmonies to my riding.  Now my riding is much more enjoyable and relaxing.  When I hit bumps in the road my body absorbs the shock and no longer am I feeling it as much.  Just another realization of how Kung Fu is part of my everyday life, so cool!

An area of disappointment that I have recently struggled with is missing some IHC classes and the parade and demo.  To be straight up and honest with the team, I was exhausted and chose to rest with my family at home.  This has bothered me as of late as I have not missed these opportunities in the past but I just couldn't mentally get the energy to go.  A big part of this journey in my opinion is to be honest with ones self and with the team.  It's not the easiest thing to do but it's important.

I look forward to seeing everyone as much as I can and as work and life allows.  The blogs are great and it's amazing to see the level of engagement both physically as well as mentally and through blogging. 

Ian Repay
Student Of Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, Alberta

Pandamonium

Pandamonium was this past weekend and I was able to attend in the midst of a crazy work schedule.  Being there and being in the middle of all of those amazing people helped recharge my batteries so to speak.  I have written about how the kwoon is that place where one can come and get a jolt of positivity.  I needed that jolt as I haven't been feeling all that positive. 

The reason for this is that I have gained more weight than I would have liked over the past while.  Its affecting my mental state as I have never been overweight in my life before. I realize that poor diet choices along with sitting way to long all day in meetings has caught up with me. Also the lack of training in any form doesn't help the situation.   At the end of the day I'm mentally exhausted and all I want to do is unplug mentally and physically.  My kung fu, which has served me through tough times in the past has taken a back seat of late.

I know what I have to do.  I know I need to get back to making the proper diet choices straight off.  Easier said than done while living on the road.  However an improvement is and improvement and a step in the right direction.  Next I need to start doing my basic requirements in the morning when I'm rested.  I have tried this before and it works.  I just have never been able to make it a habit.  Lastly I need to be accountable or nothing will change. The solution for accountability is to be visible to my teammates online.  I need to start posting what I have and haven't done each day. 

It was great seeing everyone this weekend and I look forward to getting back to the kwoon as soon as I can.

Mr. Ian Repay

To my Mom.

Today is Mother's day and today I'm reflecting on the years that have past.  Some of my fondest memories are the ones where just you and I spent time together.  I remember the drives we would take to Baba's on a bright summer day either to Theodore, Insinger or Sheho.  I remember the sun shinning, the warmth of the sun and of us in the car.  Those days were some of my favorite days and I can vividly remember them to this day.

I never could quite appreciate the relationship between parent and child until I had my own children, of which you reminded me of many times :). Now that my children are almost grown into adults I find myself reflecting on those special days just like we had.  I know you told me many times "enjoy every moment with your children as they grow up fast".  I never thought that would happen but here I am, children that were so little once now almost adults. 

You love my sister I unconditionally through the good times and the rough patches.  You guided me through some really difficult times and when I thought there was no way you would call me your son, you always did.  Your love never wavered and I love you so much for being the best mom in the world.

Happy Mothers Day to the very best mom a son could ever have.

Ian Repay
Student of Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, Alberta

Where to start?

Its been a long time since I wrote last.  I have had a lot changes happen in my life again this year.  However they are good changes in a way.  I have been promoted to a regional sales manager position within Michelin.  I really happy about the position and all of the new challenges that are in front of me.  My family is very supportive and I'm really looking forward to working with my new team. 

My kung fu has fallen off a cliff, like a full on nose dive straight into the abyss.  I have been so wrapped up in the changes at work that when I'm not traveling I'm enjoying just being at home.  The next two to six months are going to be a blur of traveling and working within my new region. 

I struggle sooooo much when I'm away from the kwoon.  I can't seem to want to motivate myself to train and stay disciplined.  I have all the beat intentions but they rarely translate to action.  The one thing that has kept me in touch with the team are the blogs.  They are to me the only "life line" to the kwoon and the team.  I really appreciate everyone writing and sharing their journey.  Its not always easy and pretty much its a difficult path but in the end the reward is worth it.

Thanks everyone for writing and keeping me up-to-date with what's happening in your lives and in the kwoon.  I hope to get back to the kwoon as much as I can over the next few months.

Bad habits

I'm in Montreal right now for meetings and I have been traveling off and on for the past three weeks.  It has been a struggle for sure these past three weeks to get any Kung Fu done.  It's not because I don't have the opportunities.  In fact I could have done my push ups and sit ups anywhere but I chose not to. 

I hate to press the repeat button on this blog post as I have written about this before many times.  I have chosen not to do my requirements.  I have chosen to not get my forms done and I continue to struggle away from the Kwoon.  I recognize the tools that the program gives us and I need to use the tools to get some good habits going in my training that will support me when I am away from the Kwoon.  I really don't like this "train like mad" when I'm there and don't train much at all when I'm away. 

I know what I have to do, I just have to mentally commit to making it happen.  I saw the benefits of my training when I was there for almost a whole month straight.  Somehow, someway I need to keep that feeling front and center and not allow myself to slip into my bad habits when I'm away. 

"Where am I and what am I doing?"

Ian Repay
Student Of Silent River Kung Fu