Pandamonium

Pandamonium was this past weekend and I was able to attend in the midst of a crazy work schedule.  Being there and being in the middle of all of those amazing people helped recharge my batteries so to speak.  I have written about how the kwoon is that place where one can come and get a jolt of positivity.  I needed that jolt as I haven't been feeling all that positive. 

The reason for this is that I have gained more weight than I would have liked over the past while.  Its affecting my mental state as I have never been overweight in my life before. I realize that poor diet choices along with sitting way to long all day in meetings has caught up with me. Also the lack of training in any form doesn't help the situation.   At the end of the day I'm mentally exhausted and all I want to do is unplug mentally and physically.  My kung fu, which has served me through tough times in the past has taken a back seat of late.

I know what I have to do.  I know I need to get back to making the proper diet choices straight off.  Easier said than done while living on the road.  However an improvement is and improvement and a step in the right direction.  Next I need to start doing my basic requirements in the morning when I'm rested.  I have tried this before and it works.  I just have never been able to make it a habit.  Lastly I need to be accountable or nothing will change. The solution for accountability is to be visible to my teammates online.  I need to start posting what I have and haven't done each day. 

It was great seeing everyone this weekend and I look forward to getting back to the kwoon as soon as I can.

Mr. Ian Repay

To my Mom.

Today is Mother's day and today I'm reflecting on the years that have past.  Some of my fondest memories are the ones where just you and I spent time together.  I remember the drives we would take to Baba's on a bright summer day either to Theodore, Insinger or Sheho.  I remember the sun shinning, the warmth of the sun and of us in the car.  Those days were some of my favorite days and I can vividly remember them to this day.

I never could quite appreciate the relationship between parent and child until I had my own children, of which you reminded me of many times :). Now that my children are almost grown into adults I find myself reflecting on those special days just like we had.  I know you told me many times "enjoy every moment with your children as they grow up fast".  I never thought that would happen but here I am, children that were so little once now almost adults. 

You love my sister I unconditionally through the good times and the rough patches.  You guided me through some really difficult times and when I thought there was no way you would call me your son, you always did.  Your love never wavered and I love you so much for being the best mom in the world.

Happy Mothers Day to the very best mom a son could ever have.

Ian Repay
Student of Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, Alberta

Where to start?

Its been a long time since I wrote last.  I have had a lot changes happen in my life again this year.  However they are good changes in a way.  I have been promoted to a regional sales manager position within Michelin.  I really happy about the position and all of the new challenges that are in front of me.  My family is very supportive and I'm really looking forward to working with my new team. 

My kung fu has fallen off a cliff, like a full on nose dive straight into the abyss.  I have been so wrapped up in the changes at work that when I'm not traveling I'm enjoying just being at home.  The next two to six months are going to be a blur of traveling and working within my new region. 

I struggle sooooo much when I'm away from the kwoon.  I can't seem to want to motivate myself to train and stay disciplined.  I have all the beat intentions but they rarely translate to action.  The one thing that has kept me in touch with the team are the blogs.  They are to me the only "life line" to the kwoon and the team.  I really appreciate everyone writing and sharing their journey.  Its not always easy and pretty much its a difficult path but in the end the reward is worth it.

Thanks everyone for writing and keeping me up-to-date with what's happening in your lives and in the kwoon.  I hope to get back to the kwoon as much as I can over the next few months.

Bad habits

I'm in Montreal right now for meetings and I have been traveling off and on for the past three weeks.  It has been a struggle for sure these past three weeks to get any Kung Fu done.  It's not because I don't have the opportunities.  In fact I could have done my push ups and sit ups anywhere but I chose not to. 

I hate to press the repeat button on this blog post as I have written about this before many times.  I have chosen not to do my requirements.  I have chosen to not get my forms done and I continue to struggle away from the Kwoon.  I recognize the tools that the program gives us and I need to use the tools to get some good habits going in my training that will support me when I am away from the Kwoon.  I really don't like this "train like mad" when I'm there and don't train much at all when I'm away. 

I know what I have to do, I just have to mentally commit to making it happen.  I saw the benefits of my training when I was there for almost a whole month straight.  Somehow, someway I need to keep that feeling front and center and not allow myself to slip into my bad habits when I'm away. 

"Where am I and what am I doing?"

Ian Repay
Student Of Silent River Kung Fu

Normalcy Vs Mastery in the eye of of our peers

"Your a keener", "Don't work so hard, your making us look bad" are just some of things that people say to each other in the presence of someone who is working toward mastery and not accepting the norm.  Why is this?  Are people just lazy?

I don't think laziness is always the answer.  I beleive people have become a custom to doing just what is required and nothing else.  I have witnessed this a few times lately in my professional life.  I have been asked why I'm doing a certain task when I don't get bonus pay for doing it.  My response is that just because I don't get "bonused" for it doesn't mean it doesn't need to get done.  The fascinating thing is to watch the expression on their faces change as I tell them this.  They have become so accustomed to doing what is just required that to do more and not get paid is mind blowing.

The disturbing part about society today is that if your doing more than is required, your almost shunned by your peers for it.  I don't like where society is and has become.  I wasn't raised this way by my parents. 

I try to raise my children the same way and I can tell you its very difficult to do in the current state of society.  However by living my life not accepting of normalacy has helped my children to see that normalcy is not the right path. 

A life of mastery will serve them posativly in their life as well as mine.

Ian Repay
Student of Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, Alberta Canada

Getting it...finally

This year in particular I'm getting it.  I'm starting to understand what then I Ho Chuan is about.  I won't say that I fully understand the program but this year it resonates with me more than ever before. 
I have concluded that nothing has changed with the program but how I'm approaching the program.  Mentally I have given myself to the program. I have allowed myself to embrace it.  In the past my ego was in the way.  This year, I have parked the ego and am approaching the program with more of a humble attitude. 

The other thing I'm not doing this year that I have in the past is comparing myself to other team mates.  This is tough as we all want to compare against each other.  However I feel by doing this we enable our ego.  This isn't a good thing as when we enable our ego we shut ourselves off and can't fully embrace what we are being taught or the help of others.  Ego to me is very toxic and I battle it all the time.  I have to be mindful of it and work hard to keep it in check.

This team is very special, I don't sense anyone on the team has ego issues.  I feel a very good sense of comraderie and a very positive vibe sans ego.

Finally, I'm getting it.

Ian Repay

Not in the moment.

I learned a valuable lesson tonight. I need to work harder on being in the moment and narrowing in my focus.  My mind wasn't in the kwoon tonight.  It was on the day I had today and my trip tomorrow.  I was going through the motions and Master Brinker told the entire class exactly that and I know he was referring to me.

However there is a take away from one of my worst classes.  That take away is to work harder mentally.  Work harder on the bow in to quiet my mind and focus on what's in front of me.  The physical aspect of training is coming along well but I'm not training the mental side and it showed tonight.

Long way to go to black belt but today I took one vert small step toward it.

Mr. Repay