BreakAThon 2020

This was my first ever event.  To be completely honest, I wasn't excited for it.  I had done board breaks a number of years ago and it didn't go well.  All day leading up to class I was finding all sorts of reasons to not come to class.  I was trying to escape my anxiety and my fear.  

I did get myself together and I did attend the event. I'm very happy that I participated as I had raised money for the event and I had to follow through.  What I realized is that it was a safe environment and no one was pushing me to break outside of my comfort zone.  This is the extremely cool part of SRKF.  No one is pushing thier ego on another person.  It was totally up to me to determine what I was and wasn't comfortable with.  Once I realized that, it was on and I had a blast.  

It was so much fun not only breaking boards and raising money but it was fun holding boards and seeing everyone do an amazing job at thier own comfort level.  

Sometimes I can be my own worst enemy.  I tend to think things are going to be a lot worse than they are. Last night was a perfect example.  I'm happy with pushing myself to go beyond my comfort zone.  This wouldn't have happened in years past so I feel like I've made progress in the right direction.

Mr. Repay 

Privalege, shame & empathy

Privilege has had me thinking about my own life recently.  I was sitting at my kitchen table talking with my wife this past weekend.  I told her that I had to pinch my self.  She looked at me quizzically and asked me what I meant.  In our life we've struggled alot.  We struggled with money, struggled in our realtionship and struggled with life at many times.  Right now, we aren't experiencing any of these struggles and we're pretty comfortable in life.  What I realized is how privileged we are regardless of how we struggled.  We have a great house, food on the table, heat in our house and jobs that allow us to pay our bills.  It made me feel some shame.  The shame eminated from me taking this privilege for granted and then not sharing my privilege with those on need.  

Empathy has become a huge part of who I've become.  But becuase I haven't taken the next step in reaching out and helping those in need I feel some shame.  How can I truly say empathy is a big part of me if I don't live it in every aspect of my life?  It's like saying I'm a Kung Fu martial artist but I don't train?  

I really like this quote by Theodore Roosevelt.  

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Falling back on good habits and engagement.

The past week and bit have seen me lose some momentum. I'm not feeling as motivated as I was a couple of weeks ago.  I'm not doing as many push ups and sit up as I was doing but I'm still doing them.  I'm not tracking my diet as diligently as I should be but I'm still tracking some of it.  My forms aren't getting as much attention as I used to give them but I'm still doing the ones that I enjoy doing. I'm still blogging as much as I used to and this has been key for me.  

I may not be flying as high as I used to be but I haven't crashed the plane either.  It's the engagement and good habits that has me moving forward even if it's just a crawl for now.

Mr. Repay

Kung Fu in real life

A recent blog by one of our Sifu's brought a real life experience back to the front of my mind.  I want to share that experience and share with you how my Kung Fu training played a massive part on how I dealt with it.  

It was two years ago and I was in Pontiac Michigan on a business trip.  I've never been to this city or Michigan before.  When I'm in a new city I like to get out of my hotel and get a chance to your around and see what the city has to offer.  I always have a rental car on these trips but this time I didn't as the meeting was in a hotel close by and there wasn't a need to travel so no rental.  

I've always wanted to try White Castle burgers since that infamous movie came out years ago.  Most cities I go to don't have one but Pontiac did.  I went online and checked out the area on Google Street view to ensure I knew where I was going and what was around that area.  It looked ok to me so I called an Uber and away I went.  Once we got close the Uber driver asked if I was sure this was where I wanted to go which was a little odd.  I confidently said yes and he let me out.  This is where things started to get real for me.  I was still dressed in my business clothes which was a lot over dressed for this neighborhood, I really stood out!  I went in, ordered my food and sat down.  Everyone that came in spent a lot of time looking at me.  I quickly ate and headed out the door.  I wanted to pick up flavoured tabacco for a friend which they don't sell in Canada so I headed across the street to gas station.  Here is where it gets interesting.

As I waited for the light to turn and allow me to cross a very sketchy man approached me.  He asked me if I could spare some money for food.  I reached into my pocket and pulled a significant amount of folded US money.  I started to flip through it to get to the one dollar bills which of course where in the middle.  I gave him two dollars and right then I realized what I just did.  He looked at me, how I was dressed and the money in my hand and basically called me out for only giving him two dollars.  I quickly peeled off a five and walked as quickly as I could across the street.  The whole time I was looking for reflections, to see behind me.  I was thinking about how I can keep everything in front of me.  I instinctively remembered the multiple attacker training I had taken  years ago.  I was looking to keep my back safe against anything that could prevent anyone getting behind me.  I felt my heart rate starting to really climb.  I went in, got what I needed and called an Uber.  The next ten minutes where very nerve wracking.  More and more people where noticing me and there wasn't much I could do about it.  I calmed my breathing, kept my back safe and tried to keep any threat in front of me.  

My Uber arrived to my great relief.  The driver took one look at me and said the following.  "What are you doing down here?  One block in any direction and you would've been shot".  That statement really hit me hard.

However, I stayed fairly calm and my training instinctively kicked in.  Not until I got back and reflected on what happened did I realize how my Kung Fu helped me and I didn't even throw a punch.

Mr. Repay

Work changes

This past week I was informed that I would be reporting to a new person starting in 2021.  I'm excited as the person I'm reporting to has 10+ years with my company and is very well connected in the US.  I'm a little sad that I'm not reporting to my old boss but there are significant changes structurally within the north American business.  

This blog doesn't has a lot to do with King Fu in the obvious ways.  However it has in the un obvious ways.  My Kung Fu training is always with me and I use it all the time.  Not all my Kung Fu is physical and this is the un obvious part.  My ability to control my emotions, use emotional intelligence are all parts of my Kung Fu.

Mr. Repay

One "off day" isn't turning into two.

Yesterday was one of those "off days".  I had an early morning conference call that got me out of my routine.  That routine is get up, have a shower, make breakfast, do my first set of push ups, sit ups, forms etc then off to my office to start my work day.  

Yesterday I didn't make breakfast, skipped my workout and went straight to work.  This was a mistake.  

I noticed throughout the day that becuase I didn't eat when I should have I was getting hungry at the wrong time of the morning.  I grabbed the wrong kind of food to eat and skipped lunch.  By the end of the day I was feeling aweful.  Because of the changed to my diet I can now feel the difference when I eat good food at the right times of the day and crappy food at the wrong times of the day.  

This morning I got up at my regular time, made a really good and nutritious breakfast.  Got to my work out on time and I feel sooooo much better.  Its getting harder and harder to turn one "off day" into two becuase I've now felt how good I feel becuase of the changes I've made.  It was actually shocking how bad I felt just by what I put in my body and not being physically active.  

Mr. Repay

Feeding the ego

This is something that I'm extremely mindful about.  I used to think everything was about me.  I was the best at everything and I needed people's admiration, I craved it and I did things that specifically fed that.  What I'm describing is ego and for my character it is the most deadly.  It shaped who I was and who I was turning into.  It influenced how I acted, what I did and eventually the quality of my relationships.  It's something that I battle to this day.  However becuase of my Kung Fu, my family and my mentors I'm able to keep it in check and in a lot of ways I'm able to starve it.  

I share this becuase there was an instance today that threatened to feed it.  I won't go into the details as by sharing it, I feed it.  Even that little bit is dangerous to me.  

What I did about it was engage with people that I care about.  I asked them for thier input and advise.  What's really cool about that interaction is they didn't say much.  They let me talk and they let me come to my own realization.  That in itself is why I souround myself with the people I do.  They understand me and they let me work my way through to the right conclusion. 

Mr. Repay

Make some noise!

The kwoon is such an amazing place.  It's a place of warmth, acceptance and renewable energy for the spirit.  Becuase of these things I get really excited and my exuberance tends to overflow at times lol!  This Saturday's open training was such a great day.  The people that were there are my friends and my extended family.  At the start of the open training it's sooooooo quiet.  It's like a church service where everyone has thier heads bowed and are especially quiet out of respect for the priest and the church.  

In my church I want to make some noise, I want to release the energy inside.  I want everyone around me to feel what I'm feeling.  The absolute joy of being in the Kwoon with my family.  This is a place where I can let my sound focus out, channel my energy into what I'm doing.  

Mr.Repay