Under the weather

With Chinese New Year so close this is a terrible time to get sick.  However I have been battling a cold for the past couple of weeks and now it has caught up with me this weekend.  It sucks as the dragon dance team is relying on me and I have let them down by not being able to practice this past Saturday.  I have taken the time to rest this past weekend and I hope to be back to training this week.

Ian Repay
Student of Silent River Kung Fu

Climbing a mountain instead of sharpening a sword.

Master Brinker talks a lot about that I Ho Chuan and how it is a tool for mastery.  He talks about how most people look at the I Ho Chuan as a mountain that they must climb instead of looking at it like a honing a fine sword.

So which one has my past I Ho Chuan most closely resembled?  Climbing the mountain for sure.  This is the second year (going into my third year) that I have been part of this program and it was very different than my first year.  I started the year very strong and even until mid year things were going well for me.  Then when I left for South Carolina what was a sword became a mountain.  I looked at the requirements and felt that I could keep up with the basics, I could still be engaged in my training.  I failed and I failed miserably.  I lost sight of why I was in the I Ho Chuan, why I was on the path toward mastery.  I let mediocrity begin to creep into my life into my routine.  I told myself that "I'm too busy, I can catch up tomorrow".  I lied to myself and let myself fall off the path.  I must say from experience that when you get off the path you can get back but it's extremely difficult.  I must admit that I wanted to quit Kung Fu all together because I became frustrated with myself and the long journey that's its going to be to just get back to mid year form.  However I didn't give up, I'm back on the path and slowly I am getting myself back into shape and back into form.  I'm focussing on keeping the "highs & lows" in check and allowing myself to enjoy the journey back without being too hard on myself.

I want to finish with a quote that really resonates with me.  It has become the foundation of my journey back toward mastery.

"Greatness is a lot of small things done well"

Ian Repay
Student Of Silent River Kung Fu.

Dragon dance - adaptability.

We are getting the dragon dance up to speed very quickly.  I am disappointed that we don't have enough commitment for two dragons.  The initial dance was looking very promising and we had a good little competition going between the two dragons.  However it wasn't meant to be and we just adapted as we always do.  This adaptability is core to our kung fu and I see it happening with this dance.  No one is complaining about all of the changes even though it can be difficult to remember what we all have to do.  We just do it, we just adapt and keep going.

Mr. Repay

Student of Silent River Kung Fu

Pressure.

We had our monthly I Ho Chuan meeting yesterday.  Lots was discussed but once again we have a lot a work to do and not a lot of time to do it.  Why is this the same every year?  Why is it that we have to have pressure applied before we get the best out of people?  I know that for me this is how I have always been.  I think I perform best when I'm under pressure.  However this is something I'm working to reduce.  I'm working to reduce the extreme's from my life and so far in the short period of time I feel the benefits.  I 'm feeling less pressure and less stress.  This is harder to adjust to than I envisioned as I have always been a person of extremes.  Extreme high's when things are going good and extreme low's when they aren't.

When it comes to the Chinese New Year's celebration and the preparation, we need to do a better job as a team.  I don't know what the answers are but as a member of the Horse Team for next year this is something I'm going to work on.  I'm learning to enjoy this new way, this way of less peaks and valleys.  I'm going to continue to develop this as the year of the Snake closes and the year of the Horse starts.

Ian Repay
Student of Silent River Kung Fu.

Managing the mental state.

Glad to be back training and very happy that I have been able to manage the "highs & lows".  This is going to be my biggest challenge going forward.  I'm working hard on this as it has a direct impact on my life.  When I think about this in respect to my training I see myself training like a demon when I am motivated.  When I get to a big low I stop training almost all together. When I think about managing these highs and lows in regards to my work life I see the benefits of not getting to these places.  Mentally it's much better for me and I seem to have a much better overall attitude.  I am also making better decisions when they are not influenced by my elevated or lowered mental state. This past week, I made a decision to not return to the San Shou class weekly.  I feel this was a good decision as it gave me an extra day to rest mentally and reflect on my training.  I am looking forward to coming back to this class but I am going to continue to ease back into this class and continue to manage my mental state.

Mr. Repay

Student Of Silent River Kung Fu.

Peaks and valleys.

I'm going to ease myself back into training which means being at the Kwoon five days a week instead of six lol! This means that I am going to go to a couple San Shou classes per month instead of every week.  Right now I feel like I need that Tuesday off to rest (physically & mentally) while I work back into shape.  The more important reason that I'm not fully committing to this class is highs & lows.  One thing I have a habit of and want to avoid doing is the "big highs and big lows".  This is a facet of my character that I want to "smooth" out.  I have a habit of training like a mad man when I'm motivated and then when I'm not I don't train very much at all.

I really enjoy the class and see tons of benefits to my training.   However I want to be mindful of my training and approach it a bit differently this time. I need to reduce the high's and low's and try to find a consistent balance in not only my training but in life as well.


Mr. Repay

Student Of Silent River Kung Fu

This is tougher than I thought.

When I set my sights on a earning a black belt in Kung Fu I never envisioned that it would be this difficult.  Don't get me wrong, I knew that it physically would be very difficult.  I just never thought about the mental side of the black belt much if at all. The mental side of anything (work, personal etc) is the toughest thing to keep focused.  We all struggle with this and I am no exception.  In fact these past four weeks I have been finding myself struggling with this more than I ever have before.  These past four weeks have been very difficult and I am struggling to grasp why?

I have always enjoyed my training and I have for the most part always looked forward to class and training.  So why have these four weeks since I have gotten back been so difficult?  I think it has a lot to do with getting settled back in to a new job, back to my old life and trying to catch up on the the months that I have missed.  Could it be the shorter days and less sunlight that is having an impact as well?  Could it be that I have I am extra tough on myself for letting myself slide while I was in South Carolina?  What about losing sight and perspective on how my Kung Fu serves me and not it?  I think it's all of these things rolled up into one and it has gotten me down.  So instead of going to class I avoided going and making excuses to myself of things I needed to do that were more important.  Once I made that first excuse for myself the next one became easier and easier.  The hardest thing to do was to convince myself that I shouldn't give up.  I made a commitment to my team and Master Brinker that even if I failed at achieving my goals the one thing we I couldn't do was quit.  Quitting is something that I am not accustomed to and that thought kept resonating in my mind.

I decided on Saturday to go back to class.  Square up what needed to be squared and renew my commitment to my team and my training.  I am very glad that I listened to my gut and went back.  It seems to have filled an empty void that has been gnawing at my very core.

Mr. Repay