Consistency

I've struggled with this for a very very long time, actually as long as I've know myself. I get on a cycle where I have the best intentions and I can see the goal but I start to fail mid way through the journey. We've discussed it over and over as a team and I've gone over and over this with myself and with many Sifu's over the years. Yet I'm still on that cycle.  

I've recently come to realize that I'm more focused on the end result but I'm unwilling to put in the work/struggle to get there. Everything starts with big highs and the best of intentions.  Then along the way I miss a class, skip my daily pushups etc etc. One day turns to two then three then all stop.  It's a cycle that he perpetrated my life for too long and I really really need it to stop. 

I've also realized that in order to break this cycle I have to first be aware of why and I've finally think I've discovered/accepted that. Secondly I've forgiven myself and I'm moving on. Lastly its about the journey not the destination. This is going to be the hardest for me as I've liked to live my life based on this quote, "I just want the baby, not pain". 

When I reflect back on this quote it's been with me for a very long time. Subconsciously it's always back there, whispering to me and leading me down that we'll worn path.  Time to work on changing the path, it won't be easy but if I want to change my life I must. 

Mr. Repay

I'm still here, darn you glass rock!

 I'm still here, getting out from under that glass rock once again.  It's been a rough ride recently for a number of reason most of which I won't be sharing here.  

The one thing that I've struggled with once again is consistency.  There are lot of reasons why I haven't been consistent with my training or attendance and most every one of them comes down to choice.  Choice of where I place my priorities and choice as to what I choose to do with my time.  There have been a lot distractions recently.  Job is busy and taking me away from home a lot but this isn't anything new for me.  I have more opportunities to stay engaged because of the pandemic than I had in the past.  The classes are online, the one on ones are all virtual.  

What it's coming down to for me is choice.  I've been actively choosing other priorates over my Kung Fu.  It's hard to type that because there isn't an excuse to make rather its an admission of where I am right now.

What's keeping me going is everyone's blogs.  I'm reading them and seeing my teammates both succeeding and struggling just like me.  There are some blogs that I think are written just for me which I realize isn't the case.  However they speak to me in such a way that it brings me back, back from under that glass rock.

I can't say what the future holds for me but I can say that I'm grateful for all of my teammates.  You guys are my rock and you all are a HUGE part of my life even though I may not always make that known.

Mr. Repay