The war inside of me

I miss Kung Fu.  I miss my Kung Fu family more than ever. 

I have been going through an epic struggle, alone.  I have retreated into myself, and have listened to many voices inside my head.  So few posative, so many negative. 

I haven't attended classes in forever.  I have made many excuses to myself but none of them are true.  I have retreated into self pity.  I have totally accepted that I have failed in my journey.  I have given up on my Kung Fu after five years of dedication, blood sweat and lots of tears.

This has been tearing me up inside.  I don't know how to cope with this struggle?  I don't know where to go from here?  I don't know how to battle the war that wages inside myself?  Why can't I just get over myself and kick things back to the way it was, when I was flying high?  Why is it so difficult to move forward when it's easier to watch life go by on sidelines?  I have been watching for the past year and deep down in my soul, I don't like it.  It leaves a big  hole in my soul, and those who understand are the ones who have trained and became part of the family. 

The war continues to wage inside.

Mr. Ian Repay