Struggling...

Where to start?  Well the past four weeks have been the most intense and stressful weeks that I can ever remember.  Not only am I away from home in South Carolina, the training is something that is incredibly intense.  Recently I finished up the first phase of my training and maintained one of the highest overall averages in the class.  I am proud of that but it came at a price.

When I was home last, I was able to stop into the kwoon and made it to the I Ho Chuan meeting.  That was an amazing meeting and I was so happy to share my journey and to “re charge” after being away.  However, when I returned to SC my training there increased in intensity by almost 100%.  I wasn’t expecting this and I shed everything that would interfere with my Michelin training.  

As a result I stopped my kung fu training.  I stopped doing and recording my sit ups and push ups.  I stopped doing my forms, I stopped everything including blogging.  Blogging is the MOST important aspect of the I Ho Chuan in my mind and I stopped writing.  I have no excuses and actually I am ashamed and angry with my failure.  I had every good intention of keeping up and at the minimum maintain where I was.  I FAILED, I failed to even do the very basic of basics.  I am feeling very lonely and out of touch with my Kwoon and training mates.  I have lost that connection that to me is so important and seeing the team train and prepare for the lion/dragon dance really got me down.  Before I left I was part of the team, I was part of the demo’s and I felt like a contributing part of the team and now I feel quite the opposite. 

I am sooooo very proud of the team and all that they have done to get ready and perform today.  I have decided that I am going to start writing again and to get back to my Kung Fu training.  It is going to be a long road back to where I was before I left but I am going to start today.  I am going to start small and build upon every day. 

If I go silent, please give me a nudge!

Ian Repay

Student Of Silent River Kung Fu