Struggling...why?

When I joined the Snake team I felt that I would have a bit of an advantage this go around as I was part of the UUBT 8 team.  I knew what this was mostly about and I knew what my weaknesses were from last time around.  However I seem to be experiencing those same weaknesses all over again.

                

 The biggest question that I keep asking myself is “why”?  Why am I not where I want to be right now?  Why am I not doing a better job of tracking my daily numbers?  Why haven’t I even started some of my personal requirements?  Why?

                 

When I stop and reflect upon this question, the answer is that I have not dedicated myself to this process fully.  Mastery is something that I truly want but am I prepared to put in the time and effort to truly walk on this path?  The answer that I come up with is no.  I have not prepared myself mentally to walk on this path every day.  So the next obvious question is why have I not mentally prepared myself yet?  I have known for some time that I was going to be part of this team and its not like it was a spur of the moment decision.  I have prior experience as being part of the UBBT 8 team, so why? 

If I am going to be honest with myself and my teammates I would have to say that the reason for this is that I have not taken this opportunity with enough seriousness.  I have treated the process so far as something like “I will get to it when I get to it”.  I have been lazy and not dedicated to the process and the benefits that it will provide.  This attitude is something that I have known for a long time, it is a flaw of my character and I have never admitted it publicly before.  However, now I feel is the time to reach out and admit one of my most flawed characteristics of my character.  This will be the starting point of my improvement not only as a martial artist but also as a human being.  I want this year to be the year that I not only improve as martial artist but also as father, husband, friend.  I humbly ask my teammates to kick my but if you see that I am missing blog entries.  I agree with Master Brinker 100% that if you are not blogging, you are not doing your other requirements.

Ian Repay

Student Of Silent River Kung Fu

Stony Plain, Alberta