Engagment

This this is one blog post that I just don't know how to write or even know what I want to put in it.  Normally I have a number of blogs in draft ready to go but lately I just can't seem to find the inspiration or the motivation to write.  I'm pretty sure that the reason for this is my lack of engagement over the past 2 to 3 weeks. I know that when I'm engaged I have so many things to write about because so many things are inspiring to me. But when I'm unengaged everything changes. I know that over the past couple of weeks I fallen out of my routine, I haven't been doing my push-ups and sit-ups in the mornings before I start work like I had done in the past. Because of this my engagement level has dropped. I can say that the pandemic is the reason I can also say that so many things are the reasons for me falling out of my routine but really it's all about me.  What I've realized now is it just needs to be one step in front of the other. 

Mr Duncan's blog that I read this morning was inspirational and was the catalyst for writing this blog. He's had a really tough go of it over the last little while and to read that he's found a place that he can go to find serenity and help him put one foot in the other is really inspiring to help me get back to what I need to do.  

I really found that having my fellow teammates write blogs is very very very helpful in staying engaged.  Everyone that's been consistently writing week after week, thank you I really appreciate it. It's those things that really help me stay motivated and when I'm unmotivated they help get me back to where I need to be.

Mr. Repay

Six harmonies & the underlying Kung Fu

I spent Saturday morning watching my daughter ride her horse in a lesson.  What I noticed was all the Kung Fu that was in her riding.  There is a direct connection between her hands and what she does with them and the horse's head.  This is direct input and it's what most novice riders focus on only.  It was the same with my Kung Fu in the beggining.  We learn to punch properly in the early belts but as a male the power was developed by my shoulders and arms only.  There was a disconnect between the top and bottom half of my body.

As I watched intermediate riders you could start to see the connection in their lower bodies.  I could see the inputs in their legs moving the horse off the center line.  It was a delay however from their hands/shoulders to their legs.  The results can be confusing to the horse at times. It's getting the immediate input in its head then it gets the input (delayed) from the riders legs.  I could clearly see the confusion and sometimes it resulted in a horse and rider out of sync and frustrated with each other.

I also can draw comparisons between the disconnect in my Kung Fu techniques.  I feel this in the "chunkiness" of flow or lack of it.  I also feel this in the disconnect of power when punching or kicking. When I engage my hips and finish the punch at the same time the power is amplified.  Combine this with proper technique and the punch becomes devesating to whatever it makes impact on.

Then watching my daughter who has advanced to a higher lever and you see the six harmonies on full display.  It's amazing to watch the synergy of the horse and rider when everything is connected and smooth. 

I have the same appreciation of skill when I watch our black belts.  I can see the finishing of techniques, the flow, the grounded energy and power. I'm starting to feel this in my Kung Fu.  It's taken me a long time to develop the eye for detail but also to "feel" my Kung Fu. I'm  feeling when it's connected and when it isn't. It's also amazing to feel and see my Kung Fu in everyday life like today.

Mr. Repay

Validation, ego or for the right reasons?

One of my personal goals for this year's I Ho Chuan is to complete the first year of my degree.  This is something that I hadn't been able to start on until now for many reasons.  The main reason that I want to earn my degree is to legitimize (with credentials) my experiences to date.  I've gathered a wealth of experiences over the 20+ years of my career which I'm very proud of.  I've been told by my current employer that if I want to take it to the next level I'll need to get a degree.  

Here's my conundrum.  What if if I don't want to take my career to the next level?  I'm very happy with what I'm doing right now.  I make a very good living, I have the freedom to run my job like it's my own business.  I have a really good work life balance that allows me to have the time I need for myself and my family.  

So the question is why am I still moving forward with my degree?  I think there's some ego coming into play.  With a degree I'll be able to thumb my nose at all of those people that told me that I wouldn't amount to anything.  These same people that wrote me off many years ago when I was way too young to understand what I wanted to do with my life.  I've been harbouring anger and resentment  deep inside my soul for a very long time.  I've had to fight tooth and nail to get where I am right now.  So would this degree legitimize my status in the world?  To myself yes but not to those people because they'll never know.  I think the key here is to let these emotions go.  I need to be better inside my own skin and to be comfortable with who I am and who I've become.

I'm still moving forward with my degree as I want to accomplish this for myself and the betterment of my family.  It's no longer about proving anything to anyone. 

Mr. Repay

Lesson in empathy

The current US elections have absolutely got my blood boiling.  I'm a very passionate fan of politics, probably to my own detriment. However it's something that I'm interested in and will continue to be interested in.  It's no secret that I'm not a Trump fan.  In my personal opinion he's a dangerous autocrat with narcassism at his core.  

I have friends both in Canada and the US that are also extremely passionate about the President and the current state of the US elections.  

Recently I let my ego get the best of me.  I started to "poke" one of my good US friends as I started to see the shift toward Biden yesterday.  What I didn't realize and failed to contemplate was how deeply emotional this election is to him. He's a American, served with distinction in Afghanistan with the US military.  I'm a Canadian who never served in the military.  What I realized is that I had zero empathy.  What I had was my anger toward Trump and his character that blinded me to the empathy that I should have shown to my friend.  

I'm a little ashamed in myself.  I'm ashamed because I know better, I've become better than this.  Our friendship is still strong and I took the time to apologize to him.  Life to me is about learning and growing. I learnt a little bit more about myself.  Empathy is something that I can't just use when it suits me. It's not something that I should push aside when it doesn't suit either.  I have to be mindful more often and that one sentence helps bring it back to the moment, "where am and what am I doing?".

Motivation

This has been on my mind alot.  I've found my motivation to train has taken a dip over the past month.  Not much has changed but not much has changed as well. 

I've found that I have to create my own motivation for most everything in my life. That isn't always easy to do and when I can't find the reasons then mediocrity seeps in.  Early in my training motivation was easier.  Everything was new and exciting.  Stripes marked improvements and belts marked milestones. As I've progresses through the ranks this has slowed down as it should. Being a blue belt is a tough rank. It's the rank where you either push through and progress or you stagnate and and eventually quit. I've a blue belt for a very long time and to be honest it's wearing on me a little.  However, I have faith and belief in myself and in my Sifu's that we both know when I'm ready to move to the next level.  In fact I've approached my training like I am a brown belt.  The physical belt will come when it comes but until then I'm focusing on working on my requirements for I Ho Chuan as well as everything I continue to learn in my regular classes. 

My motivation is to be the best martial artist I can be everyday. As long as I comtiue to keep this as my motivation the rest will take care of itself.  

Mr. Repay

Injuries

Late last week I started feeling "off". I didn't attend Wednesday's class nor did I attend the optional Thursday I Ho Chuan class.  I like attending as many of the virtual classes as possible but sometimes they don't work out and I can't be there. I also understand that to some this isn't acceptable and that we should be attending every class even if it's optional. I tend to disagree on this one but also see the value in attending.

Early Saturday morning I developed a very painful muscle spasm along my left shoulder blade.  It was extremely painful and didn't allow me to attend open training or do much of anything physical this weekend. I needed topical rubs, heat pads and painkillers just to function.  I also got my flu shot and some overdue shots on Saturday. Today (Sunday) I've felt really under the weather and I'm not sure if it's from all of the shots I got this weekend but I'm about ready to be done with these physical set backs.  

What I've been doing is working through my mental side of Kung Fu. I'm blogging, I'm working on my techniques in my mind and writing them down to practise when I start feeling better. I'm working on my University degree and catching up on some assignments. Even when I can't physically train I'm still working on moving forward.  

I look forward to seeing everyone at Monday's class.

Mr. Repay