Key learnings and positivity

There's some things that I've realized over the past two weeks.  These past two weeks are the first weeks in the pandemic that really had a impact on our families lives.  I've never been restricted by movement or what I can and can't buy.  The only restrictions to movement or purchasing were based on if I could afford it.  That all changed these past two weeks.  I've experienced my own employer telling me that I wasn't allowed to see customers until June.  The government (provincially and federally) has limited where we are allowed to spend time.  They've shut schools, parks, gyms, entertainment places and restaurants.  When I go shopping for food I now see empty shelves and limits on what I can buy.  There's plexiglass barriers in front of the cashiers and lines on the floor keeping people apart.  

These are truly unprecedented times for every single person on earth.  I never once thought this could come Canada or my home town of Stony Plain.  Something like this was what happened in the movies or far away places like China.  But here we are, face to face with a pandemic that has killed tens of thousands and will devestate the global economy like we never seen before. Now before I get to far down this rabbit hole, here's the positives.

1. More time with my family.  More time to spend with my wife and kids.  We're spending it talking with each other at the kitchen table over a meal.  We're playing Domino's and board games and laughing with each other.  We are taking the time to discuss this pandemic and find ways to deal with it as a family.  We're stronger pulling together than on our own.

2. Food waste is going way down.  I'm cooking every single meal at home and I'm watching my fridge very carefully.  I'm planning meals based on what I need to cook first before it spoiles.  I was never this mindful before.  It's resulted in eating better more balanced meals and my fast food intake is WAY DOWN.

3. Cutting unecessary spending.  It's amazing how much money was being wasted.  Lots of $15, $20 amounts add up to a big number at the end of the month.  This pandemic has helped me realize these areas of waste.

4. Debt load.  My family doesn't have a lot of debt and that's by choice.  We don't have a lot of fancy toys or a summer cottage but at times like these I've realized that being unencumbered is a very positive thing.

5. Employment.  So far I'm still employed and I'm extremely grateful for it.  We've recently agreed to take a tempory 20% pay cut for the next few months.  It's tough to accept a pay cut but it's way better than the unemployment line.  

As this pandemic rages on, I'm choosing to focus on the positive.  

My worst nightmare

I'm strugling.  I'm strugling with my Kung Fu, my requirements, my sanity in a world that's so different than anything I've ever experienced.  

For the people that know me, I'm a person that needs social interaction.  My soul, my spirit desires to be around and interacting with people.  I'm doing what our government says we should be doing and that's staying home.  However it's taking it's toll on me.  I'm completely out of sorts right now.  I don't have the motivation to train and work is becoming a struggle.  I've got to find ways to get through this as I feel this is going to be the "new normal" for quite a while yet.  

The I Ho Chuan teaches us to have structure and until this pandemic hit hard I was sticking to my structure fairly well.  I've let the world around me interfere with my world and everything that's important to me.  

I want to very clear here, I'm not looking for tips or advice as I know exactly what I need to do.  I'm writing this because I need to vent so that I can clear my mind and soul and get back to it.  

This pandemic will change our lives in some way forever.  However we have choice on how we let it affect us and lead our lives.  

Stay safe and look after yourselves and your families.  If your able, help those families and people  that can't look after themselves.  

We have the opportunity to become better people, all we have to do is take what we learn in the kwoon out into our community.  This is our opportunity to give back, show empathy help those in need and really share the love of SRKF.  

Mr. Repay

Student Of Silent River Kung Fu

Resentment towards ego

I've started to develop a resentment toward ego both in my self but also in other people.  I've started to look at the people around me like including my friends and colleagues.  When I see or feel ego I have a difficult time trying to explain the exact feelings I feel inside other than I don't like it and I don't want to be around it.  

I've started to also consider how ego plays in my professional life.  I work for an extremely large global company.  It's an amazing company that I'm very happy to be a part of.  But in any organization there's a political game that plays out.  This game has many players and many personalities.  Many future roles are determined through many different metrics.  Most of them are based on current performance as well as skill sets needed for the new role.  However many are decided on the strength of relationships with key people on the ladder above you.  There's an old saying that goes like this, "it's not what you know but who you know".  I realize that to move up in the organization I'm going to have to develop relationships with people that have large ego's.  What's the cost to me and am I willing to pay the price to my own personal beliefs and ego?  

I've found that over the past 10 years of training at SRKF and specially the past couple of years I've changed.  I have become much more humble, less driven by feeding my own personal ego.  So the question becomes "what's the price I'm willing to pay?" followed by "careful what you wish for".

Mr. Ian Repay

Student of Silent River Kung Fu

Training with purpose

I've put purpose into my training this year.  When I'm training, I'm training with a reason and with an end goal in mind.  When I'm practicing my forms I'm thinking about why I'm practising a specific technique.  Why is it here?  What's the purpose?  I'm starting to add opponents into my forms and it's helping me visualize and apply what I'm doing.  I've also started to apply the little tid bits of information that I've been given in class.  Both to the whole class and those given specifically to me.  Recently I performed Loa Gar for Sifu Ryback.  She gave me some very specific feedback that I've started to apply to the form.  I stepped back and thought about why it's there and now I can see the application and the answer to the "why".  

I keep coming back to maturity.  I'm 42 years old, shouldn't I have been mature enough to have understood these concepts years ago?  Why are they only now starting to stick and ressonate with me?  The only answers that I can come up with is that I'm finally ready and willing.  My mind is open, my ego's in check and I've matured enough to understand.  

Mr. Repay

Student of Silent River Kung Fu