Why am I doing this?

This is a question that has been in my mind for some time.  Why am I training in Kung Fu?  Why am I a part of the I Ho Chuan team?  Lately I'm not sure what the answer is for either one.  I know that I have struggled and continue to struggle with big highs and big lows.  I know exactly when this current "low" started.  It was the day of the demo.  It was exactly the moment when I dropped my chuck so early on in my form.  At that very moment I was devastated...  I never recovered...  The very next day I had to get on a plane and fly to Montreal for the next week.  Being away didn't allow me the opportunity to get right back at it.  I let the time away in Montreal get the best of me.  I allowed myself to let defeat and disappointment take over.  The crazy thing is that it was easy....easy to let it take over and I did nothing to over come it.  The last three weeks have been the same for me.  I have been busy with work and I have been busy avoiding the kwoon.  I have been avoiding the people that I feel I let down.  I was picked to be part of the demo that day and I didn't perform.  I have been struggling with this and I have been way too silent.  I have been hiding and avoiding the people that I need and who need me.

Then I read Sifu Ryback’s latest blog and it sort of shook me up.  She’s absolutely right, our team is almost like a house of cards.  There are some strong cards on the bottom but there are so many cards that can’t support themselves let alone the rest of the house.

I'm not proud this and there is only one thing that I can do and that's get back to class and get back to training.  I have failed miserably personally this year and most disturbing is how badly I have let the team down. 

Mr. Repay
Student Of Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, Alberta
ian.repay@blogspot.com

Happiness

I have reflected on this for some time.  What is happiness?  What really makes me happy?  Other than the obvious which is my family this is a hard one for me to nail down.

Does kung Fu make me happy?  Yes it does but it also makes me sad, angry, jubilant and most every other emotion that I can think of.  

So what makes me happy?  The answer to this has changed considerably as the years pass.  What once did it for me is no longer.  My perspective has changed and with it what makes me happy.  Now some of the most simplest things seem have the greatest effect on my happiness.  Talking time to rest and "smell the roses" is having the most impact on me.  No longer am looking to things that I don't have to bring me happiness.  In taking the time to enjoy the little things and not get down on my self for the "small things".

I'm happy and I can't really tell you why :)

Mr. Ian Repay
Student of Silent River Kung Fu.

Demo - personal dissapointment

This past Saturday we did the Stony parade and then a demo performance.  The parade was awesome and the demo looked great except for my part.  I dropped one of my chucks early on in the form and I was devestated.  I have been working hard on the form and have made it all the way through many times at the kwoon and on my own.  But when it comes time to represent the team and school I mess up.  I am going to admit that my confidence is shaken.  I know that I have to push through it and keep going.  I just have this feeling like I am dissapointing my sifu's the team and the school.  I was chosen to perform in the demo based on what the form looked like.  Yet when its time to show the public I choked.

So very frustrating and dissapointing.

Mr. Ian Repay
Student of Silent River Kung Fu.
Stony Plain, Alberta.